If John has 50 candy bars, and he eats 45, how many cadybars does John have? Diabetes, John has diabetes.

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What did one guy say to the other guy?? Well he just hi but hi backwards is ih and that reminded him of his days in Nahm because that's what his Sargent said and that reminded him of ice-cream because his Sargent smelled like ice-cream and that reminded him of the song that the ice-cream played which reminded him of Disney world which reminded him of a priest raping little boys which mad him laugh because that reminded him of a Jew picking up a penny which reminded him of Osama be shot in the f**k**g face and that reminded him to say how are you to the other guy.

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Nice legs, what time do they open the free bar, I'd like to by you a drink.

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A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

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What comes after "Q" R

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A cat and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender says "it's refreshing to see perennial enemies enjoying each others company".

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Dead babies.

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Why did an abusive childhood affect the little boy's behavior? Beats me.

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What does does an elephant and a grape have in common? They are both grapes except for the elephant.

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Why was the Amish man dead? Because he fell off of his fridge, while trying to screw in a light bulb.

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What do you do when you see a black man? The same thing you do when you see anybody.

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What did the deaf man say to the blind man? The deaf man spoke no identifiable words because he could not hear what he was saying. He mumbled a few phrases in jibberish, and the blind man continued looking for his favorite brand of Ramen Noodles at his local Harris Teeter.

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roses are red violetes are blue you need to shut up or I will kill you

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Your mother gets so hungry, she eats.

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Q: why did sally fall off the swing A: she had no arms A:knock knock Q:who is there A:not sally

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Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner there is no god and everybody hates you.

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what is red and looks like blue paint? red paint.

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jess yawns with no hands in front of her mouth. true story.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He said it was a great place to retire.

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If life gives you melons ... You might be dyslexic

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What was the woman doing in the kitchen? Investigating a murder..

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Whats the definition of helpless? A quadraplegic in a washing machine

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Women's Golf

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Two scientists are experimenting with sulfuric acid. One scientist says to the other, "Did you see the new intern?" In the process of turning to face the first scientist, the second scientist knocks the beaker over and spills sulfuric acid all over the first scientist's hand. The first scientist writhes in pain as the second scientist rushes to find a strong base to neutralize the burn. After a few minutes, the first scientist is rushed off to the emergency room and suffers from some serious chemical burns.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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