Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Somebody pushed it

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why was the boy un-able to talk He was retarded

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A bar walks into your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

what is the difference between a black person and a picnic bench? A picnic bench can support a family.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

-What do you get when you graph the division of x by the square root of 69? - I don't know, what? -I was asking you, as my family's low economic status hinders my ability to buy a graphing calculator.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man goes to the pound to adopt a dog and sees a very shaggy dog and says "WOW! Thats a shaggy dog I'll take it!" So the man takes home his new dog and decides to enter the dog in the towns anual shaggy dog contest. and wins. After winning the town shaggy dog contest he moves up to the county shaggy dog contest. theres no competition. Now the man and his dog enter into the state shaggy dog contest, the states shaggiest dogs are all competing. the man wins. Finally the man and his dog are in the prestigious national shaggy dog contest. The judge walks up to the man and says "your dog isn't very shaggy"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What does does an elephant and a grape have in common? They are both grapes except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

justin littleton. nuff said

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals? A purple hippo with an infected scab yelling at the pain

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the deaf man say to the blind man? The deaf man spoke no identifiable words because he could not hear what he was saying. He mumbled a few phrases in jibberish, and the blind man continued looking for his favorite brand of Ramen Noodles at his local Harris Teeter.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: why did sally fall off the swing A: she had no arms A:knock knock Q:who is there A:not sally

thumb_up thumb_down +19

jess yawns with no hands in front of her mouth. true story.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner there is no god and everybody hates you.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

what is red and looks like blue paint? red paint.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

If life gives you melons ... You might be dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What does a ghost get when he watches pornography? A boner

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Your momma is so fat that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook her breasts for clocks

thumb_up thumb_down +17

hahaha

thumb_up thumb_down +17

ME: HEY ZACH DO YOU KNOW WHO LIKES YOU................... ZACH: NO!... WHO.... ME: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW??? ZACH:....YEAH!!!!!!!!!! ME: OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY NOBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the old man step on the caterpillar? For fun.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is the difference between Terri Schaivo and a basket of rotting vegetables? The rotting vegetables aren't edible.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A man is talking to his friend at work. The man asks his friend, "Did you see the game last night?" Then a plane crashes into the building and we call it 911

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops