Why didn't the new baseball cap fit little Tommy? Because Tommy was decapitated

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? The hooker is a human being whereas the onion is a vegetable.

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Why did little Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Just kidding! Stephen Hawking doesn't drink.

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A black guy walks into a bar. He drinks some wine and exits the bar. -Lets Go Mets, not Yankees

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An Antihumorous Story Part One A rich man named Richard told his son James that he could have anything in the world for his thirteenth birthday. James only asked for one thing: a silver box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. So Richard gave him a metal box containing 542 pink ping pong balls. Five years later, Richard heard a strange noise coming from James' room. It was the sound of a machine whirring, then a high pitched scream. All of a sudden, James bursted out of his room and ran out of the house. Later, the boy could not recall the incident. It was completely erased from his memory. For his eighteenth birthday, James asked for a golden box containing 785 pink ping balls. So it was granted him. For the next ten years, Richard kept a careful eye on his son. Every night, James could be heard whispering madly, "It's almost ready," over and over. For his twenty-eighth birthday, James asked for a simple wooden box that had one million pink ping pong balls inside. "What do you need all those pink ping pong balls for?" Richard finally asked. James froze, fiddling with something in the pocket of his jacket. "Oh yes, that. They were necessary for--" Then he got hit by a bus.

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What do you call a blind guy in a library? Kevin. Unless his name isn't Kevin.

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Yo mama so stupid She took in part of an experiment and was indeed proclaimed stupid.

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a older brother and a lil brother have bunk beds, one night the older brother has his gf sneak over, they are going to have sex. he tells his gf, "say lettace for a new positon and say tomato for stop", they start and she screams, "lettace, tomato, lettace, tomato". then the lil brother says " will you guys stop making salad, ur getting mayonase all over my face!!!!"

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

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call me maybe.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar.

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A Muslim and 2 French people walked into a bar They start to have a nice conversation about Charlie Hebdo

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Nero? As In Nero7? Septimus? Where you not killed during the raid? I read you got tortured and killed by your own out of mercy.

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Bugs dance, so do ants, Oh my glob it’s Adventure Time!

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Eeny meeny miny mo, Catch a tiger by it's toe, If he hollers let him go, Because if you don't he would attack you and go straight for you're neck and you would die a painful death...

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Moe: What's the difference between blue paint and red paint? Ben: I couldn't tell you, I'm blind. Moe was so embarrassed by his unintentional rudeness that he apologized to Ben and walked away.

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What is faster? A bottle of milk or a sand-filled pin ball machine? A fighter jet, stupid!

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Knock knock. Who's there? Insurance. Insurance who? I'm sorry, sir; we can't fix your liver because you don't have any insurance.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Who let out the chicken?!?

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What's a bench painted red white and blue all over? An American BENCH.

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What is worse than menopause? Falling down the stairs breaking your next....

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Why did the young teenager cut class? To cut himself! Get it?! Its a pun!

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He who laughs last...is not a laughing owl because they're extinct.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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