What did the gun say to the pencil? Draw

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why is this website funny? Because it has jokes on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did Amy fall out of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. (Who's there?) Not Amy.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

whats the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? i don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a bag of dead babies. I don't have a Ferrari in garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's like a whale and has a sprained leg? MATT ROSS THE FAT ARSE!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How many dead babies does it take to fill a bathtub? It is highly unlikely one would have a supply of dead babies large enough to answer this question.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Once upon a time there was a pure and beautiful girl who lived with her step-mother and her two step-sisters. They made her live in the basement and had her do all the chores while they went to parties. Then social workers came and relocated her to a foster family.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a black woman that flys a plane? - a pilot...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What is the difference between an obese white man, and a physically fit black man? Their weight and skin color.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the blond woman throw a clock out the window? She was going through a bitter divorce, and didn't want her ex-husband's things in her house anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

How did the dead baby cross the road? stapled to the chickens foot.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why does Charlie Sheen do cocaine? Because his father was a poor role model and he's an unstable celebrity.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

a jewish man with a boner walks into a wall what does he hit first his cheek due to the fact he was looking at an attractive woman

thumb_up thumb_down +2

AAAnd that did not totally send a rush of sweet endorphin's up my spine, I think myself of as really really blunt, I value individualism rather than complete assimilation, I think that, if people want to hear my opinion, they ask me, and if they want to hear what they want to hear, they can ask... Pff, anybody else. I end up insulting a lot of people literally asking for it, but moments like these make it all worth it. I am also extremely superstitious, the catchphra states "Grain of salt" so I wont take your comment completely... I am just screwing around...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

100% of smokers die 100% of people die I am tied to a tree

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Chocolate Bananas with Brocclie.wom

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What did the policeman say to the man accused of murder? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Whats brown and sticky A stick!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Whats funnier than a baby in a jar? A baby in ten jars.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why couldn't Jimmy ride a bike Because Jimmy was a fish

thumb_up thumb_down +9

jordan godfrey is good looking lolololol

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops