A man walks into a bar, he sits down.

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what did the lawyer say to the lawyer? "whats up lawyer?" what did the banana say to the banana? nothing bananas dint talk...

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it depressed me to be diagnosed with depression

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A man walks into a bar and says give me a 84 bourbon, when he gets it he spits it out and says this is no 84 bourbon this is a 74 scotch, So he asks for a 68 brandy , when he gets it he spits it out again in disgust saying this isn't a 68 brandy this is a 87 whiskey!, than the old man next to him says here try this, the man says what is it?, the old man just says try it, so the man does, he spits it out and shouts this is urine!, the old man says correct, now tell me how old i am.

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Who's Italian and plays with a peach? Mario

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what is a mix of a bull dog and a shih tzu. a bread of dog that has a shaggy face and long hair

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why did sally fall off the swing? because she was a fish.

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There are 2 carrots sitting in a basket. One carrot says to the other; I'm a carrot! The other carrot does not reply, because carrots do not speak. Now consider the possibility, that the first carrot was a talking monkey.

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I spilled Spot Remover on my dog. Now he is blind and has chemical burns all over his body.

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Three blind mice go into a pub, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

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mitchell likes balls in his mouth.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No Neither has he!

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What did the father say to his gay son? "Finish your homework."

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Hey Caleb.

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What does a Mexican do in a landslide? Lose a good deal of his hard earned property to the disaster.

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What did the bar say to the man? Nothing, bars can't talk

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I used to fit trough doors, but then I got tall... I used to play with other babies, but then I got tall... (daradadadadan) I used to look up to you, but then I got tall (OH YEAH!) but then I got tall, but then I got tall, but then I got tall! Moral: Censorship should be illegal.

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Question: How did the chicken get to the other side of the road? Answer: Too find his joint.

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whats worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies and their grieving mothers standing over them. thats what.

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What if there were no hypothetical questions?

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I bought a pound of gold for my new gold ring, later that day I lost it

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Incey-wincey Spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. But sadly, the spider had drowned. [L]

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whats long black, eight inches and sometimes has white on the tips of them? a black mans foot the wears an eight inch shoe.

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What did the Egyptian helicopter do when it went into the pyramid? Exploded.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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