what do a plum and a rabbit have in common? there both purple except for the rabbit

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What does a ghost get when he watches pornography? A boner

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is the difference between Terri Schaivo and a basket of rotting vegetables? The rotting vegetables aren't edible.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and and no legs in front of a door? A: A quadruple amputee.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

KNOCK! KNOCK! who knocks like that? seriously all my friends r Dbags n break the door down...wow ur polite....um ok WHO'S THERE? THE REAPER oh sh** dude! NO ONES HOME! "in other news this evening, two local men found dead on theyre living room floors. Police say the front door was smashed in...an obvious sign of forced entry. The two men were apparently reading a webpage called anti-joke before suddenly having an unexplained heart attack and dieing....heh heh hey nancy...why did the chicken cross the road? because he thuroughly enjoyed darting out into traffic." "HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......GASP! GA FA! GAA *gargle*" "wow...in other OTHER news i just killed nancy...."*runs* JOKES KILL >:}

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Obama.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: Why did the cat roll down the hill? A: It had no legs

thumb_up thumb_down +16

does your face hurt? yeah, neither does mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's brown, dusty, and full of male? My asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Your dad is so dumb he tried to put M&M's in abc order

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the mole say? Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +14

womans rights

thumb_up thumb_down +14

roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? THe NBA

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the cat say when it jumped into the cardboard box? Meow

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock knock! Who's there? It's me, Allison. Oh, come in!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

why was the asian kid found dead? he failed an examen

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why did the bananan explode? it was a grenade

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the todler fall over? He's an iraqi child and has ben shot inboth legs being readied fro public excution for fighting on the opposing side a.w. j.p.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's worse than finding a real joke on anti-joke? Finding a repeated joke about no armed susy falling off a swing.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

(Q)What do you call 4+4? (A) A math problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you get when you multiply a trillion times a billion times a quintillion? A huge ass number.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Cause 7 is black.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops