Q: How do you surprise a newt? A: Jump on it while shouting, "slippers." This may not work as the newt may die before it has the chance to be surprised, however the slippers should be intact.

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nice shorts.

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Matt. Matt, who? You're friend Matt that you texted twenty minutes ago telling me to come over.

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What runs faster than a dead baby? Almost everything.

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Why does my girlfriend pee standing up? Because he is a man.

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Saddam Hussein is the father of the mothers of all cultchies.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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What do you call a diving-board factory worker threatening to jump off the roof? Names.

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Psychic wanted. You know where to apply.

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? Nobody. Go make some friends.

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I have the heart of a child... in a jar on my desk.

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Your momma is SOO FAT that I had to call my doctor. He said you should go on a diet and exercise. I called my local gym and gave your mom a 3 months membership. Monday to Friday. Your welcome and good luck.

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What do you call a black man in a police car? Officer.

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Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon A: Ones fun to beat with a sledgehammer, the other ones a watermelon

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I jizzed in my pants. It tasted good

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roses are red, violets are blue, fudge is sweet, heres some fudge.

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Why do women where make-up and perfume? because they are ugly and they smell bad.

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What's huge, gray, and has a trunk and wings. An elephant with wings glued to it.

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Real jokes.

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What's the similarity between a grape and an elephant? Both are purple except for the elephant.

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Knock Knock Who's there? The Police The Police who? The police Johnson Oh, come in Mr Johnson

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Simon Cowell's hair is real.

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What does AIDS stand for? Acquired immune deficiency syndrome

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What did Gene give Carla for Christmas? AIDS

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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