If John has 50 candy bars, and he eats 45, how many cadybars does John have? Diabetes, John has diabetes.

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What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I cried when I cut up the onion.

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why is there a hole in the wall, i hope a prehistoric mole doesnt come out of that hole in the ball CC

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What is purple and flies? A purple plane.

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A man walks into a doctor's office. He is diagnosed with cancer. After three years he dies.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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You better run like your ass is under fire, because it will be if you don't.

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hahaha

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What is the difference between a duck? One leg is both the same.

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what did the man with no legs get for Christmas? A piano

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A man walked into a haunted house and screamed. He had stepped on a nail.

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justin littleton. nuff said

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What's brown and sticky? Human Feces

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What's worse than finding a real joke on anti-joke? Finding a repeated joke about no armed susy falling off a swing.

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Why did the hooker go to the bathroom? Because she just exchanged sex for money and was cleaning herself up for her next trick.

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whats worse then finding a finger in your soup? - being a cook and losing a finger

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A lady goes into the store to buy potatoes. Then she eats them.

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Why did the old man step on the caterpillar? For fun.

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Last night I had consensual sex with my long term girlfriend in the missionary position. It lasted approximately 4 minutes before I ejaculated into the durex extra safe condom.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have schizophrenia, and don't have any friends

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What happened to the man that never got picked up? He died of a brain aneurysm, the ambulance never came.

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Tomorrow, today's yesterday.

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How did the blond's brain cells die? She had a very acute case of Parkinson's disease.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? No-one No-one who? .......

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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