Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee! It's not the coffee, you have a deadly case of ocular melanoma, a form of cancer that affects the eye. You'll be blind within the next 24 hours.

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Why are we posting shit jokes on here? Because we can't drink!

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why did susie get hit by the bus? cause the bus driver wanted her ice cream

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Tomorrow, today's yesterday.

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jack shine has boobs

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I'm not racist... Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

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God is religiously proven to be real

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He removes the piece of lingerie from his face and continues shopping for clothes.

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Why did the old man step on the caterpillar? For fun.

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Last night I had consensual sex with my long term girlfriend in the missionary position. It lasted approximately 4 minutes before I ejaculated into the durex extra safe condom.

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What do you call two men having sex with Oprah? Group sex.

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when does the phrase "time heals all wounds" not apply? to people with fatal wounds.

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a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

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What's the difference between zev hatis and a dwarf Nothing. They are both midgets and are going to die by the age of 25

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Knock knock. Use the doorbell, dumbass.

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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How do you know if you've been drinking too much? You find yourself in a closet screaming, "I'm in Narnia!!!"

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a carrot walks into a bar, carrots cant walk for they do not have legs.

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What do you call a girl with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

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What do Chuck Norris and Oprah Winfrey have in common? They are both white, male, good actors, white, rich, and white. Except for the eagle.

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What happened when the boy didn't forward the chain message to ten people. Nothing.

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What's the difference between people with aids and people with cancer? People with cancer can get into heaven

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what did one bum way to the other? we're shit out of luck

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What did the calculator screen say? Cos0=1

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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