What did the Chinese restaurants do with dogs that wander into the kitchen? Kept them as pets.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator? Open the door and let him in. How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator? Open the door and let the elephant out then give the giraffe a reasonable amount of time to enter.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty dumpty had a big fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men did not come to help him because the United States does not have a patriarchal system of government.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Michael J Fox likes his martini's shaken because they taste better that way.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

"What starts with F and ends with a K?" "firetruck?" "no, f u c k"

thumb_up thumb_down +44

what did rebecca say to sabrina ? CALL wass !!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Roses are red Violets are blue I suck at poems, nice tits

thumb_up thumb_down +44

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Tiger Woods is an American professional golfer whose achievements to date rank him among the most successful golfers of all time and Santa Claus is a very jolly fellow who brings gifts to the homes of the good children during the late evening and overnight hours of Christmas Eve.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it is common to find chickens and other wild and/or domesticated animals roaming through the streets in a multitude of countries.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

69

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Why are "Polish" and "polish" spelled the same? The word is a homophone.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Knock knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness ... Hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

When life gives you melons, you know you're dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!" Passersby notice the man is blind, which caused him not to notice the bar. He later died in the hospital from severe head trauma

thumb_up thumb_down +36

What's red and round? A red and round solid.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Whats big, tall and fat? Most of America.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the monkey sit on the toilet? To have a bowelmovement

thumb_up thumb_down +34

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride??

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a diving-board factory worker threatening to jump off the roof? Names.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the passenger plane crash? Well, if not mechanical failure or human error, probably because a bomb was detonated onboard.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Real jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What's the worst thing about being homeless? Not having a home.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why was the asian so good with computers? Because he spent 8 years in college getting a doctorate in computer programming at the University of Hartford

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops