A man is walking on a beach when he finds a golden lamp. He rubs it and a genie comes out. The genie tells the man he will grant three wishes. The man wastes his wishes on material goods that do not bring him happiness.

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what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? where's my tractor?

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What happens when you mix 3 pounds of baking soda, 2 dozen cans of Mr. Pibb cola, and a live tortoise? It makes a terrible mess and your wife gets upset at you for getting the house so dirty. She refuses to clean it up.

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What did the pedephile do to the young boy? Smiled at him, said hello, and kept on walking.

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What happened at the finish line of the marathon? People collapsed in exhaustion, it was a marathon.

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"Oh yeah?!" "Yeah!" "You wanna go?!" "No, sorry. I got plans." (walks away)

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Why did the old man die? Because everyone dies

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Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

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A kid with no arms or legs is stuck in the desert. Sucks to be him.

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What has human male genitalia? A human male

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The chicken came before the egg. Because eggs are an unborn chicken, and it is impossible for an unborn chicken to ejaculate.

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What is the first step in making an ugly girl pretty? Shave her genitals.

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Your Mama is so poor. I begin to worry about you and your familys' finacial situation.

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What's the difference between a train and a lamp? A lot

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Knock knock. Who's there? I am.

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Why did the boy miss a day off school? He was in a coma

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Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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Q) what happens when you tackle someone with 2 legs? A) you fall over

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If a midget is mentally retarded and always late for work, is it okay to call him a little tardy?

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Why did the man loose his balls? he had testicular cancer and had to get them removed.

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A man walks into a bar. He buys a drink and then goes home and beats his wife.

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What did your father say before he died? Nothing, he's already dead

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your mamas so old, her social security number is 1!

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What is the difference between a bench and a mexican? the bench is an object

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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