Why did the chicken cross the road? It was stapled to a deer

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How do you get someone to come out of the closet? Unlock it

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy Get in the van

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what's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? a Jew is a person and a pizza is a food

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A man accidentally forgets his daughter at a Sizzler

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when does the phrase "time heals all wounds" not apply? to people with fatal wounds.

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Polly went out for a cigarette. Then she was raped.

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A guy walks into a bar, has a drink then leaves.

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"This is Jesus Christ to Tim Tebow. Please leave me alone. Don't you know that my day off, is Sunday?"

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whats black, then white, then dead all over? Michael jackson

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Why did the Jew pick a dollar off the ground? He dropped it.

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Why couldn't the drunken man walk in a straight line? Because someone shot him in the face.

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There are stars in the sky when it's dark. You may have noticed I used a contraction in the previous sentence.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Being a jew in the Holocaust.

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what do you call a dog with not legs? it doesn't matter what you call it, its not coming

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Patrick is gay

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Whats red but smells like blue paint? Red paint

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why was the girl unhappy? because she was stapled to a shark.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you suck your own dick.

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whats black and yellow and screams? A bus full of black kids going over a cliff.

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What did the blind boy get for Christmas? The same toys from last year.

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Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees an officer standing on a street corner and a pile of burning rubble behind him. He asks the officer what happened and he replies "A bomb fell from the sky and annihilated the city orphanage. 214 children were killed and two nearby families of 3 and 6 were severely injured and are now in the hospital with no hope of survival." The man was found dead later that week with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a pineapple? There will be no funeral for the pineapple..

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What happened after September 11, 2001? September 12, 2001

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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