Yo mama's so ugly that the majority of people find her physically unattractive, but I hear her personality if great.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What does a Somalian want for Christmas? Nothing hes Sunni Muslim and does not celebrate Christmas

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than getting an F on your paper? Walking in on a man wearing your mother's skin after vigorously raping her in front of your baby sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A hairy monster walks into a bar. It was halloween.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

It's not just a boulder. It's a rock! A rooooocckk!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

At the time my grandfather came round to visit, what was happening in Australia? A giant spider was giving birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I used to be a schizophrenic but we're okay now

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what did the carrot say to the rabbit? stop eating me you son of a B*****

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's worst than your favorite football team losing the football? Giving birth to a stillborn child.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

what do you call a needle with two heads? a two headed needle

thumb_up thumb_down -13

have you seen Stevie wonders car? No Neither has he

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Two guys jump off a cliff... the third guy calls an ambulance.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

thumb_up thumb_down +5,704

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he knew that the neighbors wouldn't "touch him there"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man drives down the road in a van that says "Candy" He was doing his job in a professional manner

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A wife says to her husband "Everybody's coming over tonight, I want you to dress nice." *logically this cannot happen because there is no way that this couples residence can fit all 6 or so billion people in the world, nor would they want to.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why were Billy's parents laughing at him? Because he was just diagnosed with cancer!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a bag of dead babies? A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When is the best time to wear a striped sweater? All the time

thumb_up thumb_down +52

What did the man do after a bad day at work? He went home and beat his wife

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Two hunters walk in to the forest. They have a great time ending the lives of defenceless creatures. They go to their respective homes, eat a light dinner, and fall asleep in their beds.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why didn't Anne Frank ever leave the attic? She did.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did Polly fall off her roof? Because her dad pushed her.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops