Why couldn't santa eat cookies and milk at little Jimmy's house? He has diabetes and is unable to stray from a strict diet prescribed by his local doctor.

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Useful Information: *2+2=5 *4+4=9 *6+6=13 Q: Given this information, how many fingers am I holding up? A: It was a trick question. Batman didn't open the door.

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I was raped the other day... I still did more work than the bitch

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Ring Ring Hello? Click

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"knock knock" "who's there" "I dont know, check the door"

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A cow walks down the stairs. Not really. They are incapable of walking down stairs. It actually died on the roof.

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Two scuba divers are playing cards on the bottom of the ocean. One asks "have you got amy threes?" Then they both die from maintained exposure to the incredible pressure at the bottom of the sea. One left behind three children.

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What's red, yellow, and full of diabetes? Mcdonalds

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what has wheels and can fly and is purple? A plane i lied about the color purple

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We are as to jokes as atheists are to religion.

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A man asked a horse "Why such a long face?" The Horse replies "My entire family just died in a plane crash."

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Two chairs were sitting there. One chair says "Could you pass me that cup?" The other chair says "Oh my God a talking chair!"

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Whats big and white and will kill you if it falls from a tree? A Fridge.

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What's stronger than then the love of a mother and her child? A semi-truck

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What's the difference between dogs and humans? 8.

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Two muffins are in an oven. One says "It's getting hot in here". The other one starts to reply but then it's internal organs burst from the heat.

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Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Who me? Couldn't be.

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Knock, knock. Come in.......

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what is the biggest lie in the whole world? -please drink responsibly

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Me: Mike Mike: Yeah Me: The more you breath the more pissed off im getting.

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Whats even funnier than watching two black guys with guns attempting to shoot people Just about everything

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Whats big, purple and hairy. Has 4 eyes and 2 brains? Nothing.

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What's worse than 9/11? FaZe Banks' upload times

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returned and said, "My friend does not have a pulse and he is not breathing, so I stand by my prior assumption."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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