What's gay and nobody likes? Ryan's combover

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Q) What do you call a black president? A) Mr. President

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from K.F.C

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What's the difference between a bowl of cereal and a bowl of pudding? A bowl of cereal has milk in it.

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So this Horse walked into a bar... Just kidding, it was Sarah Jessica Parker.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Chuck Norris' cheese

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How old is Batman? Old enough to be a bat.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I wouldn't consider Mark a chicken. In fact, given the high speed and volume of cars traversing that particular road in both directions, I'd say it was a ballsy move. In hindsight, though, he probably should have waited for the "walk" symbol to appear for pedestrians, in order to avoid being run over by a bus. Anyway, if Pastor John would like to say a few words before we finally put Mark's body to rest...

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You always hear of the 9/11 stories where people who work in the World Trade Centers were late that day or home sick or whatever. My mom also worked there. It was a normal morning, got up to make us breakfast, got us to school on time, the whole bit. After having to do all that stuff, she actually got to work on time, and she died in the attack.

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how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? It depends on a variety of factors such as the size of your mouth, the amount of saliva, etc.

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why did the kid fall off the swing? someone threw a fridge at him

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Three black guys walked into a bar. They all behaved very nicely, payed their bills and left when they where done.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? I don't remember the rest of the joke but your mom's a whore.

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Why did jack smell smoke in his neighborhood? His house burnt to the ground.

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What do you call a burger made from children with Aspbergers? Cannibalism

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how do fit 104 jews in a car? 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and 100 in the ash tray.

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What did the Orange say to the Apple? Nothing. Both of them are lifeless objects, thus lacking the ability to speak.

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whoes considered the best trackstar in the world. the random jamacan who ran onto the field.

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what did batman say to robin before he got in the batmobile get in the batmobile

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Why really answer a question when you can just respond, "because you touch yourself." For example, Q: Why did fluffy die? A: Because you touch yourself.

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Hickory Dickory Dock. 2 mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one.. and the second one got away with major injuries, dying in a hospital three days later. The clock is now serving its 8th year in jail out of 25 years, and does not regret anything.

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Why did the man get off the bus? Penis

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What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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