- Anti Joke

What did the pineapple say to the apple? Nothing, neither can speak.

What is worse then a worm in your apple? 2 worms in your apple.

Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

If a chicken and a half lays an egg and half in a half of a day how long does it take a monkey with a peg leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

Why did the black guy fail his math test? Because he did not study enough and as a result was no prepared to take a test on that material.

A Man goes into a watch store. Why? To buy a watch

Why did the chicken cross the road? To see if he could beat the oncoming car.

What's black, white, and can't turn around in a phone booth? A nun with a javelin through her chest.

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Chuck Norris. Alright come in.

Charmander is red,Squitle is blue,If you were a pokemon i'd choose you.

What do you call a Muslim pilot? An accident waiting to happen

What did the man with scissors do? He cut his balls off.

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

Why celebrate your birthday, its just getting closer and closer the death.

a horse is a horse. of course of course....unless its a cow

The original Moral Man has left Horsehead network, but I will keep monitoring this section for like 3 hours... Then probably never again on this shit site it barely works ffs! Moral: "Turn every stone, and you might find a penny, turn every penny and you might find a stone that stone is in our shoe, kick it away, crush it, destroy it"

What did the pornstar say to the priest? i DO porn

Thank you very much for being so kind to me throughout the years. I have never known a better man. Rest in peace.

How did the little boy get down from the top of the empire state building... He took the elevator

steves legs

Q. How do you punish Helen Keller? A. Rearrange the furniture in her room

What did one alligator say to the other alligator? Ear

How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, it hurts when i poke my leg like this!" The doctor says,"Mm yes, it seems you have taken an arrow to the knee. You'll never walk again."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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