Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have schizophrenic, and don't have any friends

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roses are red you are dumb no one will care when you die

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What do a plane and a flight attendant have in common? They're both going somewhere in their careers. Aside from the flight attendant.

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marshal sterio had sex

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your window is open I'm watching you

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Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

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Sometimes I don't make sense, but when I do, I don't

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What kind of mother doesn't do laundry? A dead one.

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what do you do when you see a 40 ft tall gorilla? WHO CARES, RUN!

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What do you call black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist bastard

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself.

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what do u say when u see your tv floating in the middle of the night? drop it n*****

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What's the difference between an alcoholic and a drug dealer? An alcoholic is an extremely corrupted, and unhealthy living person. Though so is a drug dealer... They are both very harmful situations in many ways.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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What's green and has 4 wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, trains.

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Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

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Whats worse than a worm in your apple? A worm in your asshole.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Q. What's white, has an orange bill, and looks like a swan? A. a swan

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dumbledore says,"today we will learn new spells,any questions?" a student says,"are you serious?" dumbledore says,"no he is in jail for a crime he didn't commit,sort of like the a-team."

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If you give a mouse a cookie... you're destroying their natural diet.

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What's the difference between a women's running team and a band of pygmies? Quite a lot.

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Why did Hitler commit suicide? He looked at his gas bill.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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