A momma cow was grazing in the meadow with her three calves when the first one asked, "Mom, how did I get the name Rose? "Well when you were born, a rose pedal came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The second calf asked, "How did I get the name Daisy?" "Well when you were born, a daisy came floating in the breeze and landed on your head." The third calf mumbled, "LKJLSKJFSLKJLKSJDF" incoherently, and the Mom responded, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

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Why Was Did Jill Cross The Road? She Needed To Get To Work.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why did the kid start to cry? His parachute didn't open.

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You know what's funny? Clowns.

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Pikachu says "Pikachu!" Squirtle says "Squirtle!" Charmander says "Charmander!" Ash is upset because he cannot communicate with his Pokemon in their foreign tongue.

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Why does Jerry sandusky like little boys? Because each and every intellectual human being have different interests

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What word starts with N and ends with R that you never want to call a black person? Neighbor.

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whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? A guitar is an instrument used to produce noise and a fish is a living orgnism native to lakes and oceans

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A man walks in to a bar. He was hospitalized and died later that day.

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Roses are red Violets are blue NO SHIT EINSTEIN!

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So one time this woman was learning...

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Once ther was a happy little boy and he was just playing with his dinosaur when he was hit by the school bus that was supposed to take him to school. The End

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What's worse than finding an apple in your wo- wait, what?!

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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't put it in a basket.

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What do you get when you drink water? Piss.

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How many sheets did the Asian want on his bed? "You sheet on my bed I kill you!"

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Chuck Norris didn't count to infinite twice. He can't even do it once.

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A man runs into a bar. He is instantly knocked out.

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If I have 12 backpacks and Jimmy has 91 pancakes, then how many marshmallows can cover the roof of this building? Purple. Because Aliens don't wear hats.

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What's black and blue and is scared to death? the kid in my trunk

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo Radley, I live next door.

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Why was the asian guy's eyes slanted? Your question is a very valid one that most people often wonder, but never really ask. It's called an epicanthal fold...please, NOT "slanted eyes". Many people consider this to be a derogatory description of the descendents or those of Eastern Asia (as do I, being half Korean), but most people are unaware of this and say it anyway. I'll assume you didn't know this. :) The epicanthal fold (what we have) is something that all babies are born with, but those who may not be of Eastern Asian origin will eventually lose. The purpose of this "fold" is to protect the eyes from extreme sunlight and cold weather. Most people of the this part of Asia originated in Mongolia where the weather conditions were very cold and harsh. Also, with most of this population, you'll notice that there exists some extra padding below the eyes as well. With all that white snow and the sunlight reflecting off of it, don't you think with time our bodies would develop some sort of defense for one of our most valued senses--our sight? It makes sense, doesn't it? Also, notice, that the farther south you travel in Eastern Asia the "rounder" the eye gets (their is less evidence of the epicanthal fold), since the climate gets warmer the farther south you go. Evolution, baby. So, Eastern Asian eyes are NOT really slanted. They just appear to be. Instead they just have that extra fold above the eyes that make them appear "thinner", if you will. If you want to sound halfway intelligent, please don't use the description "slanted eyes" anymore, since this will only make you seem like somewhat of a bigot (racist). (You might say it around the wrong person one day.) Sorry, but I'm just trying to give you some good advice. I hope I helped.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? 'Cause you touch yourself at night;

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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