What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Whatever their names happen to be.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Daffodils are yellow, Flowers come in lots of colours...

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How do you keep a blonde occupied for hours? Put on an entertaining movie.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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if life gives you lemons...chuck them back and say i wanted muffins instead!!!!

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A man walks into a bar with an MP5 and proceeds to fire thirteen bullets into a crowd of people, several unarmed bystanders attempt to disarm the gunman but they are promptly ordered to stay back or they too would be fired on, a witness reports gunfire coming from down the street to local emergency services and they arrive quickly, organising a perimeter around the bar, county sherriffs decide it would be safest to wait for a swat team, as reports indicated the gunman may have hostages, however the gunfire appears to have ceased an noone has entered or exited the building since police arrived on scene. As SWAT arrives on scene and media helicopters circle above, a person emerges from the bar and the gunman appears behind him, he shoots and kills the hostage and then turns the gun on himself, the death toll reached sixteen including the gunman and as many as fourteen people were injured. there was no clear motive to the massacre, but a search of his appartment indicated he was tired of one-liners on typical joke sites and felt his wife's betrayal with his best friend was too much to bare and he simply snapped after losing his job in the current economic situation.

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If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests? Tests.

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How many doctors does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One, usually.

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a man dyslexic into bar walks a

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Knock, knock Who's there? The police. Your under arrest!

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How many dead lions can feed a bluejay? Bluejays don't eat dead or living lions, so this is highly improbable.

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A pig and an elephant walk into a bar. But the pig doesn't even make it into the bar because the mentaly insane elephant ate him. Ouch

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9/11

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Pianos.

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Q:Why do black people wear fitted caps? A: So pigeons don't shit on their lips.

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What do you call a kid without brothers or sisters What? a chinese Boy!!!!!!! lol ;)

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Why did Marilyn Manson surgically remove 2 ribs from his body? To suck his own penis.

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A duck walks into a over 7-11 and says "Give me some Chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

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Two guys walk in a bar, and they die.

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what are you eating under there? oh a sandwich, its actually really good.... want a bite? yea thanks! yum yum

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how do you get a dog to stop barking? you hit it with a stick.

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why did the one handed man cross the road? to get to the secondhand shop.

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Q: what do you call a person who's ass is dumb A: a dumbass

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A man walks into a bar. He goes up to the Bar Tender and says, "Hit me with all you got!" The bar tender then ducks down under the bar out of sight. He comes back up with a sledge hammer and viciously murders the man. Blood spews everywhere and many others are brutally murdered shortly afterwards. :)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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