Why did the little kid fall down? He was pushed

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Q. What's the best thing to do before you get in a car accident? A. There's actually not much you can do in a car accident, considering you probably will never expect it, and it happens relatively too fast to react.

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I admit I don't know what the future holds, but one thing I know for sure is that... Lance Armstrong has only one ball.

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A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Can I have... ...a beer." The bartender asks, "What's with the large pause?" To which the bear replies, "I have... ...a speech impediment."

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Your father must be an alien because he's driving a UFO

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Q: how many oxen does it take to row up the empire state building in half of a green canoe under the purple sun while eating a dead moose with no arms? A: Purple, because snakes have no elbows.

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What happened to the orphan who ate a sandwitch? She got hit by a whale!

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Why was the man sad? He was molested as a child.

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9/11 was a shocking time for all of us.

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Why isn't Hellen Keller a good driver? She's dead.

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What is the same about a bird and a turtle? They can both fly . . . except for the turtle

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What's the difference between a bowl of chili and a urologist? One's hot and spicy, and the other analyzes urine [Emo Philips]

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I am so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

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What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

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What do you get when you cross a donkey and a hemophiliac? A bleeding ass!

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Why is the turkey always full? Because he is stuffed.

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Q: What's funnier than a baby in a blender? A: A baby in a clownsuit in a blender.

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knock knock who's there boo Jenny had a heart attack due to the scare, she was taken to hospital and died

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What happend to the gay kid that walked into iran. He got shot and killed ????

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Is your friend gay? Yeah, duh, of course he's happy.

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Penis

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled it up, slightly spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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What's the easiest way to become filthy rich? There are many ways to earn money. Invest some time into researching the topic.

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whats funnier then a joke on anit jokes pracitcally anything cause anti jokes repaeats and everyone has herd them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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