Roses are red, violets are blue; So give me head, or I queue you!

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what did bob say tothe ugly duckling? your ugly and a duckling

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My mother always said that jumping in piles of leaves was fun. That was before she was swallowed whole by a 10 foot scorpion.

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? (No answer)

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How do you know your sister is on her period? - Your dad´s dick tastes like blood.

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nolan is gay

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Why couldn't the blonde screw in the light bulb?? - she happened to be autistic

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What is large white and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A refridgerator

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An Arab walks into a bar. He then blows up the bar.

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when the teacher asked jimmy if he was a girl jimmy felt very scared because his teacher had no mental problems.

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What did Osama Bin Laden say before was captured? nothing the U.S. military slit his throat on site

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Why was Jimmy afraid of coming out of the closet? He had agoraphobia.

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A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

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A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor performs the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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yesterday, a girl asked me why a guy is Bro if he bangs alot of chicks, and chicks are hoes if they do alot of guys. i said to her “well, if one key can open a lot of locks, then it is the master key. if a lock can be opened by alot of keys, then it’s a shittyass lock, isn’t it

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Why did the Asian crash her car? Someone shit on her windsheild.

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why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Why must you question a Chicken's motives to Cross the Road?

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In Soviet Russia a lot of people were killed for voicing their opinion against Stalin

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A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. One rainy night an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them out for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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How did the blind man cross the road? With the use of a cane and a registered seeing eye dog

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What is worse than a dead baby nailed to a tree? Obama

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Knock knock! Who's there? Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's who? Knock knock!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He flapped his wings, hovered, and the road crossed beneath him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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