You're really messed up right now... elephants don't talk

thumb_up thumb_down -93

Q: How many dead babies can you fit into a bathtub? A: Depends on the size of the tub and the size of the babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the boy take the train to school? Because he lived quite far away.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why do black people like fried chicken? Because it's delicous.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the kid poo his pants? Because he was Matt Daly

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A man walks into a doctors office. The doctor says "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" The man responds "I'd like to hear the good news." The doctor says "I ran a series of tests and found you have leukemia, but your insurance covered everything." The man hangs his head and tears up as he asks "What's the bad news?" The doctor heads for the door as he answers "Your company is switching to a private insurer and because of your pre-existing condition you're being denied coverage. None of your future treatments or appointments will be paid for." The man snaps his fingers and says "I should've voted Democrat!"

thumb_up thumb_down +40

The Theory of Relativity, proposed by the Jewish physicist Albert Einstein (1879-1955) in the early part of the 20th century, is one of the most significant scientific advances of our time. Although the concept of relativity was not introduced by Einstein, his major contribution was the recognition that the speed of light in a vacuum is constant and an absolute physical boundary for motion. This does not have a major impact on a person's day-to-day life since we travel at speeds much slower than light speed. For objects travelling near light speed, however, the theory of relativity states that objects will move slower and shorten in length from the point of view of an observer on Earth. Einstein also derived the famous equation, E = mc2, which reveals the equivalence of mass and energy. When Einstein applied his theory to gravitational fields, he derived the "curved space-time continuum" which depicts the dimensions of space and time as a two-dimensional surface where massive objects create valleys and dips in the surface. This aspect of relativity explained the phenomena of light bending around the sun, predicted black holes as well as the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation (CMB) -- a discovery rendering fundamental anomalies in the classic Steady-State hypothesis. For his work on relativity, the photoelectric effect and blackbody radiation, Einstein received the Nobel Prize in 1921.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

where can you find a monkey, a blond, and a bear? the zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +161

What did the southern uncle say to his nephew when he woke up? Good morning, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? About 3:26 PM Eastern Standard Time.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do u do when u hear about a smart Blonde. Cant think of anything? Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A dog and a bird are sitting in the front yard of a small suburban community. The bird turns to the dog and says nothing, because birds lack the ability to speak. The dog then reaches down and slowly consumes the bird before returning to his house.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

two blondes walk into a bar... to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down -10

An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Why couldn't the kitten drink from its water bowl? Its face was stapled to the floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How many bodies can you stuff into a oven? Who tries figure that out? I'm calling the cops.

thumb_up thumb_down +351

austins gay lolololol

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call people in a plane crash? Whatever, i wasn't on the plane.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's the difference between an orange? The horse because the vest has no sleeves.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A light bulb is very similar in shape to a pear. So, when you change a light bulb, don't replace it by a pear.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the black man say to the asian man? Whats up man!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

In Soviet Russia, Joke isn't funny!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

A man and a prostitute walk into a bar. they have a few drinks then proceed to a hotel room where the man has sexual intercourse with the woman in exchange for money. The man then leaves while the woman stays in the hotel room and cries cause she hadn't achieved any of her dreams or life ambitions.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Why did the black man give his seat to a white man? Because the white man had a leg injury, and the black man was being a courteous good samaritan.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops