What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

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A. Knock-knock. B. Who's there? A. Hey, your doorbell's broken.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

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Two black males walk into the bar due to circumstances they had to go home early one of them has to leave early to tend to his ill wife, and the other enjoys his night drinking and making small talk with new friends

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whats better than a car. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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why didn't the donkey go to the party? Because, unfortunately he did not have the required linguistic skills to communicate with the person inviting. This is obviously dependent on whether the person who invited him was a human, if it was another donkey then perhaps this would of happened. However, this is also very unlikely as donkeys do not have parties or really communicate

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Pretty vague, if I did not know you, Id conclude you where working for some mob syndicate or something.

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ok i got one for ya 2 Penn State coaches walk in to a butt....

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if a cat is mean and a dogs a bitch then what do u call your wife? A MEAN ASS BITCH

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What's green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.

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Why is the old lady crying? I threw a fridge at her.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? What you probably have is a lawyer on holiday with his children, allowing himself or herself to be buried in order to please said children.

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Q. What's large, solid, and full of veins? A. A man or woman who frequently engages in weightlifting and follows a diet primarily based around high protein and low carbohydrate intake

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A. Knock Knock B. There is noone home so the individual goes home

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What did casino dealer say to the other? Every day I'm shuffling.

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What happened when Glen jumped off a building? The rope snapped his neck. He died.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Knock knock

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The black man leaves the strip club.

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What did the Jew get for Christmas ....... An ashtray

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"who you calling pinhead" tell me you know what thats off

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas?... A warm meal, a shower, and a place to sleep courtesy of the local homeless unit.

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How is a raven like a writing desk? Both have absolutely nothing to do with the other one.

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You know what's funnier than 24? 25

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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