Q: Why was the baby crying? A: I kicked it.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Make some fucking lemonade.

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A man named Chuck walks into a bar. One of the patrons says, "Oh my god! You're Walker, Texas Ranger!" Chuck replies, "No, that's Chuck Norris. I'm Chuck Connors. I played the Rifleman." The man replies, "Wait, aren't you dead?"

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What's worse than being a Packer Fan? Walking around with cheese on your hea... oh, wait....

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Why was the man crying He wasnt his allergies were acting up.

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Your mother is so fat, that recent test results have proved she is morbidly obese.

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What did the dog say to the house? Roof

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Why did the black man jump off a cliff? He's been emotionally unstable ever since he witnessed the brutal murder of his parents as a child and could no longer live with himself, so he decided to commit suicide.

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Q: What did one water bottle say to another water bottle? A: Nothing. Water bottles are inanimate objects and are thus unable to communicate.

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You're mama's so fat: she has to wear plus size clothing

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Need therapy? No you do not, just follow these steps. When someone feels suicidal, I ask them, so what would you do and feel when you are dead? People: First I think ill just chill like this, and then everything would be empty and no more noise like this here "holds hands over ears", and it would all just be black and nice afterwards.... Me: Stay in that state for a while. Human: Gee I am starting to feel better... Me: GEE YOU SUCK KILL YOURSELF NOW! 2. How to CURE PERMANENTLY (not treat over 30 years with no effect) someone that cant say no... First I let my victim enter the room, then I shut the door and shout "SAY NO TO ME YOU FUCKlNG WH000RE!" Victim: NOOOOOOO I CANT! Cured, stop wasting my fucking time NEXT 3. SUUUUUUUURE! Me: So you feel uncertain? Patient: Uh yeah... Me: Are you certain about that? Patient: You are just certain about you being certain which is not possible because you are uncertain NOW DIE! PROTIP: Death is the cure to all disease... NOOOOOOOT! (Postmortem disease no?) 4. I forgot this example. Anyway, I say something smart, you give me thumbs down because you are jelly, and then I eat you and I had some jelly.... I master nonsense, I am the jack of no trades and master of all.

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Where did Susie go when her town was bombed? Everywhere.

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why did the chicken cross the road because the farm is across the street from were it is now

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your watch? I don't know, I don't have a watch anymore.

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What is black and white and red all over. A blackboard.

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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, how many does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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What did the paraplegic say when he walked? Nothing, paraplegics can't walk.

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What did the drunk homeless man get for his birthday? Liver cancer.

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Why was the little boy sad? Because his dog died

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Reclu. Reclu who? Recluse Spider.

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A horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "hey. get out."

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What is a panda bear? A bear with black and white fur.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because Se7en was a scary movie!

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Q:Why Did the Black people die in there car A: They were Homeless

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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