Why can't vegetarians eat mushrooms because I can't urinate over a scotch bonnet :/

thumb_up thumb_down -9

what did the egg say to the boiling water? itll take a while to get hard cause i just got laid by a chick.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What is red and fluffy?... Your teddy bear covered in blood...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Wendy went for a walk every day in the forest. Why not today? She was shot yesterday

thumb_up thumb_down +31

If 6 is afraid of 7, what is 7 afraid of? ...Chuck Norris.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Can apples get viruses? No, they are a fruit, and fruit cannot get viruses.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

How many dead babies does it take to fill a bathtub? It is highly unlikely one would have a supply of dead babies large enough to answer this question.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why didn't Katie cross the road? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

why couldn't hellen keller drive becasue she was a women

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Man 1: What kinds of phones do snails use? Man 2:I don't know, I don't think they do. Snail: The snail said nothing, snails don't speak.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's bad for your teeth? A brick

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, Barbara called the exterminator, Who killed all 10 of them.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

why did he cat not land on its feet? it had 2 legs amputated due to cancer and animal abuse

thumb_up thumb_down -9

YOU-why did the airplane crash? (person): why? YOU-Because jimmy was flying it. (person): Who is jimmy? YOU- a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

One night a kid heard thunder and got scared. So he went to his parents bed and asked he could sleep with them. His mom said " Sure just don't look under the covers." He said okay and he looked under the covers and said " Daddy, why is your snake in Mommy's garden?"

thumb_up thumb_down +77

what's brown and sticky? A stick!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was suicidal.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

My mom told me about a funnel they make for women now that they can use to pee standing up. I told her it was a ploy to promote feminism.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Knock Knock.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? A family friend paying a visit.

thumb_up thumb_down +781

Me: Sometimes I like to talk to myself. Me: So do I.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Knock knock Whos there? FUS ROH DAH

thumb_up thumb_down -22

You're so straight!

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What do you call a mexican with a driveable lawnmower? Rather wealthy.. He must have a secure job to pay for a home with a lawn, and a lawnmower.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops