Did you see Ray Charles's house? No. Yeah, neither did he.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

So a platypus walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then goes home drunk. His wife doesn't approve of his drinking, so she took her children then left. The lonely platypus wandered around for days on end in the lonely silence. He realized he wanted a job, but he couldn't get one, and i lied. it wasnt a platypus. it never even haooened i wasted your time.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did Lindsay Lohan talk to her car? Because she's insane

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the black guy seem so black next to a white guy? Because he had more melanin in his skin

thumb_up thumb_down +1

This is my joke. funny

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what is black and white and red all over a shot to death zebra

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar and orders a beer. Just kidding, he can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the baby stop crying? Because he stopped breathing.

thumb_up thumb_down +338

What's the similarity between a dog and a car? They're both made out of atoms.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why was the horse sad his wife had terminal cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Your mother is so fat, she is at great risk for developing diabetes mellitus type 2.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

What's the difference between a picnic table and a Mexican? A picnic table can support a family of four.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A blonde walks into a hairdressers salon. She gets her hair cut.

thumb_up thumb_down +447

Oh because you have Lou Gehrigs Disease

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the man drink a glass of water? Why not?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's white, black, red, and flies? An airplane pilot with a battleaxe driven into his head

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb? blacks don't work

thumb_up thumb_down -9

roses are red violets are blue i have Downs Syndrome... and a ding-dong potato

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the guy fail his driving test? He was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What happened to the guy who got bullied? He commited suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What happened when the high school student had intercourse with his history teacher? orgasmic noises.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why was 6 afraid of 7? because he raped her

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops