timmy has no arms knock knock whos there? NOT TIMMY!!!

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Why was 95 lb jack able to chug so fast? Because he is a diabetic

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What's black and white and red all over and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her back

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A plane is going to land at 3:30, if the monkey is holding a gun how does the bus driver commite suicide 12, because the laywer attacked the dyslexic man.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have amnesia HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE?!?

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Sometimes I finger myself to some Madonna and Mary J. Blige shit. - Jesse

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Q: Ask me if I read the terms of use before I submitted this joke. A: I didnt

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If a woman was born in China, raised in France and got married and died in New Orleans, what is she? Dead.

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a chicken walks into a cafe, where it is swiftly caught, killed, plucked ,and served with stuffing and all for £5.99

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A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Mary.

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A: Who are you? B: A random guy who walked into your house A: Oh sorry, I keep forgetting your name.

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I know you are but what am I? A queer.

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hy-way is-way is-thay oke-jay pelled-say eird-way? ecause-bay its-way in-way IGLATIN-PAY

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What do a Siamese cat and a birch tree have in common? Both exist.

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Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock The person you are seeking is deaf and cannot hear the sound that is made when your knuckles come in contact with the door. Try calling next time..........

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What is a mean thing to say to Stephen Hawking? Please take a seat.

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Why did the plane crash? Cause the pilot was a loaf of bread

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Jesus was a good guy

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What did the traffic light say to the car? dont look at me am changing.

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what did the iphone say to the galagy s3? nothing they are phones.

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what is worse tahn finding a worm in your apple? finding hitler in your house.

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Why did Billy drop his ice cream cone? Because he was hit by a truck.

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How many pieces of bling does it take to ruin a rap song? Just Two Chainz

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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