A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face" The horse responds "My daughter has cancer"

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the Chef go to jail? He killed his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the best thing about shrimp? It never goes bad.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was the little boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face. Why was the little girl sad? Because it was her frog.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why can't basketball players play hockey? Because hockey and basketball season occur at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I'm attracted to you like the earth is attracted to the sun. With a force that is inversely proportional to the distance squared.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what happened to the frog that had a car accident, nothing it's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -14

why did the teenaged girl cry? she was about to have an abortion

thumb_up thumb_down -12

This is SPARTA! SPARTA? THIS IS MADNESS! (kicks guy down well) What is hurt! Baby dont love me, dont love me, no more. Moral: The funny thing is probably that the line makes a lot more sense all of sudden does it not?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

2 drunk men walk out of a bar, they see a dog on the corner licking himself. One drunk says "man, I wish I could do that" The other drunk says "you might want to pet him first"

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A black man walks out of a police station

thumb_up thumb_down -19

roses are red vilotes are blue i thought i was bent but then i met you

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Do you know the joke about the two guys who went to Paris ? Me neither.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

How do you make a Child cry? Slaughter his dog and feed it to him convincing him its Chili

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock knock "Honey, could you get the door?" "I'm tired of doing everything here! Get you ass up and do it yourself!" "Well why don't you just go back to bar you whore?" "This marriage was a mistake, I'm going back to mother!" They divorced 5 months later.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was the boy crying? Because he was told he would never find a wife

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why is the women in the street selling her body for money? because she has 3 kids and a father with cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the chipmunk fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Whats the difference between a car and a dead child? I don't have a dead baby in my basement.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!?!?!!! Not Michael Vick.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Santa and a smart blonde jump of a cliff. Who gets to the ground first? Neither, they don't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What did the cat say to the dog? Meow

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops