A grasshopper walks into a bar and no one notices because it's just a little insect.

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What's hard and straight going in, and soft and sticky coming out? chewing gum

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An Irishman walked out of a bar

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You're Mother's so fat, she sat on a chair, and it broke.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar. Everyone in the bar is very happy for him considering he has regained the ability to walk

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Maybe we simply need to keep the door open, but one cannot bring happiness to others, until one is happy oneself. Do I change something within you Red?

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Roses are read Vliolets are bloo I cant spell How about you

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how did the snake fly? it couldnt snakescant fly

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whats the difference between a nigga and a bucket of shit? the bucket

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What did the shark say to the elephant? Nothing, they live in different habitats

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Black people stink of shite!

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If god gives you lemons You find a new god.

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.......ah shit i forgotten the joke

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Why did the chicken cross the road. grass was greener on the other side!

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Hey, I'm Schrödinger, and this is crazy! But here's a sealed box... the cat lives, maybe...

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The following is neither a joke or anti-joke. It's a brainteaser. It's called the Monty Hall Problem. Suppose you're on a game show, and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind 1 door is a car; behind the other 2 doors are goats. You then choose a door. The host then opens another door and reveals a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to stick with your choice or switch?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice? The correct answer yes, switching gives you a better odds of winning. Why? There is a simple way to understand it without the mathematical demonstration. Suppose we have the three doors 1, 2 3 and the number 2 is the winner. If you choose not to change , of course the chances to win is 1/3. Now. what happens if you decide to change? The answer is that if you initially chose an incorrect door, you will always win. In the example, if you initially chose the door 1, the presenter will open door 3(because the door 2 is the winner so he can't open that door) So if you change you will win. The same happens if you initially chose door 3(the presenter will open door 1 and if you change you will win). You will only loose if you initially chose door 2(the presenter will open door 1 or 3, and when changing you will loose) So the conclusion is that if you always decide to change, if initially you have chosen ANY(and any in capital letters!) of the TWO incorrect doors you will win. So the chances when changing is 2/3.

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How many pieces of bling does it take to ruin a rap song? Just Two Chainz

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-How do you befriend Tom Hanks? -Kidnap his son

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Boy, is it hot this summer! How hot is it?! So hot that many people have died as a result!... Drink plenty of water.

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why was the female student failing out of school? because she made bad choices and never gave school her all.

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Why was the women's underwear red?... Because she got stabbed.

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Why do people often give Jimmy strange looks? Because Jimmy has Down Syndrome

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What do you call a penguin in the desert? Most likely a dead penguin.

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Why are fat people fat? Because they like food.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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