What happens when you turn 70? You have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it. What happens when you turn 71? You still have to go into your settings and make the text in your phone larger just so you can read it.

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Why didn't the teacher ask where Billy's assignment was? Because Billy died last week. -B

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hrih

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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Why is there a black president? Cause you voted for him. Thanks! Dick.

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Why is the spine-tailed swift is the fastest bird? Because its faster than the second fastest bird

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

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Q:What's red and hurts your teeth? A:A brick

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What KFC? Deep fried aborted babies.

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Waseem is sad because all his jokes are not funny!

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Why didn't grandma ever return Johnathon's calls? Grandma was brutally murdered 2 years prior. Johnathon had issues believing that she was gone. He went on to live a life of pain and suffering, which would eventually lead to suicide at the age of 24.

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Your momma's so fat that when she uses a hoolahoop, she gets tired after one try and has to stop.

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Q. What do you get when a banana and a person mate? A. The banana suffocates

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What would Michael Jackson do if he were in a room full of kids? Nothing, he's dead.

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why couldn't the boy talk? Because he was dead

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Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings him the beer, and the man drinks it. Then the man dies in a car crash while driving back to his family

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Whats red and has wheels? An apple, I was just kidding about the wheels.

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How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change it and the other to hold the ladder so the first man won't fall and hurt himself.

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My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

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what is the difference between oral sex and anal sex? one has to deal with a butt

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What did Joel say to the mouse. We're both dead mouses.

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what is behind your butt? DEEZ NUTS

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What do you get we you mix a ginger with gasoline? A forest fire.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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