Why didn't JFK Jr. shower before the plane flight? He was in a hurry.

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Why was the mohel touching the little boy's penis? Because that's his job!

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Anti jokes are funny

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Josh brown loves Jessica Potts from Dylan xoxo

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Q: Why don't chicken breasts have nipples? A: because if you freeze them, they will pop the package.

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Roses are red, Violets are red, I have a dead body, What do I do.

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Lizards are like marshmellows. If you put them in the microwave they blow up.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dumpster full of dead babies? There isn't a Ferrari in my garage.

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is your refrigerator running? yeah oh, ok. just making sure your food doesn't spoil

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Who spends too much time on Anti-Joke? ...

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A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital and has his wounds treated.

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who is still together after all the crap they have been through? your butt cheeks

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll it be?" The duck replies, "whiskey". The bartender gives the duck the drink and the duck sips it quietly, knowing he is ruining his life. Meanwhile, two cows in a pasture look for some grass to eat.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What did the teacher say to the student who stepped on a rusty nail? You have to go to the Nurse's Office to get a band-aid- I don't have any.

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Where did the black man sleep? In his house with his wife and children.

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?white vans

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So a guy walks into a bar and says, "I can hold a spoon in between my butt-cheeks." Jillian Michaels asked him if that will help him lose weight.

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Your mother is so stupid that she has lived a very unfulfilling life due to her lack of education.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Knock Knock. Come in.

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What is green and has wheels? Grass. I was just lying about the wheels part.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Although I guess there is probably no way to get on the swing with no arms unless there was another person there to aid you in the process, and that is highly unlikely because nobody wants to hang out with a girl with no arms. Still even if Suzie was helped on to the swing she wouldn't be able to swing because of her lack of arms. Maybe that person who helped her on pushed the swing with her on it bearing in mind she has no arms. In that case Suzie should stop hanging out with that person because they are very sadistic to deliberately shove a girl with no arms off a swing.

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Why did the chicken fall down? Because it wanted to have fun

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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