Why did Michael Jackson go to McDonald's? Because he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the duck say when it walked into the house? This isn't where I live.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

why are niggers afraid of the dark ? because they think that darkness is the only black thing there

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Guess what my dad got me for my birthday? NOTHING, he left my mom and I when I was a baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Wanna hear something dirty? Mud.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A dyslectic man walks into a bra. It was dark and he didn't see the laundry his wife hanged on the clothes line.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

hi jonny

thumb_up thumb_down -33

What do you call 2 midgets and a pencil rolling down a hill? Satan

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why can't you look at the sun? Because it's 2.00 AM

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the little girl cry in school? Because she remembered her parents were both in prison. She is in a state run foster academy.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why can't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because Jimmy has no legs. Why doesn't he have any legs? Because he's a potato.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

The burgler walked into the house. Nobody noticed the initial intrusion. The burgler quickly left. The family of which was stolen from woke up the next day and enjoyed a hearty breakfast of grains, oats, and barley without a worry on anyone's mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

How many nipples are on a raccoon ? I don't raccoono

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the cat scratch the person? Because it's mean.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

"I have a job perfromance review today!" Earl told his wife. "Good luck, I will make you a special dinner tonight," Melinda, his wife, responded.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why is the Mexican a gardener? He has a mental disability that makes him unable to do more than a simple task.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Hellen Keller get hit by a car? She didn't see it coming. (TD)

thumb_up thumb_down +31

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why did the chicken cross the road? There was a depletion of its natrual habitat due to deforistation and it was searching for a new home.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Whats the difference between me and a ghost? What? Ghost are not dolphins

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Your mom is soo fat that when God said "let there be light" he had to ask her to move

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's brown and sticky? Poo

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a bear eating another bear? A cannibal.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops