What is the difference between a mallard with a cold and you? One is a sick duck I forget how this ends, but your mother is a whore.

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Do you know the muffin man? No

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What did the rat say to the dog? Nothing, he is a rat and therefore incapable of speech.

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Why did the boy stop playing nintendo 64? He choked on a red M and M and struggled for air until he fell lifelessly on the floor, landing on his pet mole, furthermore, dying and killing the animal as well. It was loose loose situation.

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When the boy cried wolf who heard him? Not Helen Keller

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What would the world be like without 1 direction it would still be the world but just without 1 direction

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How do you finish your homework? Get your dog to eat it.

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(Knock Knock) Who's there? You were late paying your mortgage and now your house is being repossessed by the bank.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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two men are in a bathroom (note they are not in the same stall) the guy on the left says how are you and the guy on the right says hold on im pooping.

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Please ignore this statement.

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You heard about that piece of shit that says no all the time? Yes, I bet you haven't though. no.

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A black man and a Mexican were in a car. Who was driving? The cop.

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Q: What's sad about seeing a dead twenty year old lying at the corner of a street with a beer bottle in his hand? A: He owed me twenty bucks.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Whats worse than 3 black people? 4 Black people

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knock knock. no one's home..

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What's the difference between celery and a truck?

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra!

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your momma is so poor she had you just for the free milk

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A:Hi, do you like to blow bubbles? B:Yea... A:Hi, my names bubbles

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Q: how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? A: 14

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Knock knock! who's there? Doctor Doctor who? No, this is your actual doctor, you have cancer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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