My friend came in the barber's shop and asked me to cut his hair for him, i always have rude banter with him and i made a joke about his big bate nose. He acused me of calling him Jewish and threatened to sue me. This is how i found out that he was a white supremisist.

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A sprayed behind is a clean BEHIND!

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride his bike? Jimmy was a goldfish.

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Yo momma's so short, it's probably because she's in a wheelchair.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners unfamiliar with the Latin alphabet.

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Knock Knock.

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What did the squirrel say to the other squirrel? Squirrels can't talk.

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Why did the black man walk across the road? just kidding he didnt make it across the road i hit him with my car

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a woman asked her husband, why havent you been talking to me? the man answers, you are having an affair so i ignored you and only talked to the girl im cheating on you with. you should know your a horrible person

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What do you call a black man in a Police car? A Police Officer

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What did the Blonde do when she saw train tracks? She walked over slowly, looked both ways, and crossed safely

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why is this website called anti-jokes? i don't know but it makes sense.

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What is small, black and has 18 legs? A centipede with 82 legs cut off.

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What's the color of a retarde dogs hair? 69

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Obama stumbles upon a KKK meeting. All the klansmen shake his hand and respect him because he is the President.

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I walked across a lake once. Someone said "JESUS CHRIST!" to which I replied with "YES?"

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call of duty world at war

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What's worse than blowing out 1 lightbulb Blowing out 2 lightbulbs

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Money is no object. Because I don't have any.

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Who looks like a bird and can fly to hogwarts? Dean McKee. his scar is f u c k i n g rotten

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Why couldnt Helen Keller drive? Because She was Blind you sexist asshole

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Why did the blonde ask her doctor if she could get a new butt? She is insecure about its appearance and believes reconstructive anus surgery is the only solution.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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