A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks why the long face? The horse, unable to comprehend human speech, promptly craps on the floor and leaves.

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Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I'm a dog.

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Q: What happened when lost John lost his crack cocaine? A: He bought some weed.

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pizzano is a tool.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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There were three men in a race: Crap, Manners, and Shut Up. During the race, Crap fell and Manners stopped to pick him up, Shut Up kept on speeding. The police stopped him. Here is there converstation: Police 1: Whats your name? Shut Up: Shut Up Police 2: Wheres your manners? Shut Up: Back there picking up crap.

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If there's something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? The Police.

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Two elephants are walking down the street. They have already killed 12 people including 11 children and their foster parent.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No Oh... well he hasn't either

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What does Santa do on Halloween? He gives out candy to the kids who come to his door.

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Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says, "Boy it's hot in here." The second says, "It sure is." Both muffins then faint from heat exhaustion and are eaten to death when taken out of the oven And thus tragically, the world would never know of the spectacular talking muffins.

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Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? She was blind.

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

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your so fat. your fat!

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What did the teapot say to the teacup? Nothing. Teapots and teacups are inanimate objects, therefore, cannot speak.

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Why was the girl stupid? She didn't pay attention in school because everyone was making fun of her blonde hair.

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There's three sisters: a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. They know she's not they're real mom.

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How does Helen Keller play the piano? With one hand.. She needs the other hand to sing.

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Why did the door close? Because I closed it.

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How Many R's are in Terrence? two, how could there be 6?

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Why was a black person on the run, being trailed by police officers? They were all late to work; their work places were coincidentally situated near each other.

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Everything's looking fine, ma'am. Hope to see you again real soon.

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Why did Tiger look in the toilet? It doesn't matter, he didn't find anything.

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Why to lawyers wear neckties? It's part of the uniform.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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