- My grand mother died. - I'm sorry.... Did She died of old age ? - No, she got eaten by a giant worm.

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Oh no! I forgot the milk!

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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What did Sam say when the basketball hit her face? Ouch.

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LALALALA MUSIC MACHINE

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Commercials lie: I think that they do believe it's not butter!

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What do a duck and an elephant have in common? They're both yellow. Except for the elephant.

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Q: why did the prisoner drop his soap? A: easy sex

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How do you know an elephant has gotten into your refrigerator? The refrigerator is lying on its side and the door is ripped off. The food is all over the place and the shelves are scattered around the floor. Your house will have suffered severe structural damage that insurance plan might not cover. Also there is a mortified elephant in you kitchen.

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i feel like when the radish was discovered someone was like "hey lets call it rad!" and another guy was like "lets dial it down a bit"

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Two oranges walking down the street, one says to the other, "Where do you live?". The other replies "I'm not telling you, you'll steel my washing"

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what is poop in pee? bagel thins? tuesday.

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why was the fat man excercizing? because he was a fatass and no one liked him

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What did the cancer patient say to the arab? the tumors hurt my body

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What's the difference between a bird? Both legs are the same, especially the left one

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What is the difference between a Ferrari and a dead hooker? One is a car and one is a human being.

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whats worse than getting caught by a teacher for chewing gum? getting kidnapped by a giant hawk.

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whats bright and yellow? the sun.

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69

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JAMIE STEGMAN IS A MASSSIVE DERP Jess Pots. YOUR A NOOB

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What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her? They gave her a stern talking to and then grounded her for a couple days.

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Black people. They are so kind.

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? The white man comes from European descent and the black man comes from an African descent. This leads to the difference in their skin color.

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Why was the man sleeping. He was tired

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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