How do you make someone to shut up You tell them to SHUT UP!

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There was a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They are spending a relaxing afternoon together as a result of being restricted to their heavy therapeutic sessions which they are constantly in need of because all three have been diagnosed with clinic depression since everyone jokes about them so much and in conclusion, they don't see each other very often.

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What did the Mexican get for christmas? Nothing, he was caught sneaking over the border in November.

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Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The Big Bang. -BG_Shank_A

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A man walks into a bar and says "ow"; he stepped on a nail sticking up through one of the floorboards. He then sues the bartender for a large sum of money because of the injury he sustained, and causes the bartender to lose everything he owns in order to pay off his debt.

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How many men does it take to change a light bulb? One.

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No one walks into a bar The bar is slowly losing business and will soon be forclosed upon and will also lose his home as a result causing his family and himself to be homeless and slowly suffer on the streets

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look under under where under under where. under the couch

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Have you ever had Kenyan food? Neither have they.

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If life gives you lemons, You throw them as hard as you can at the nearest stranger. If life gives you melons, You're probably dyslexic.

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Q: Why did the white mother with a newborn baby lock her car doors? A: Because a black guy walked by.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I ate your horse.

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Roses are red, violets are purple.

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

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Why was 7 afraid of 6, because 6 raped 5

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What do you call a guy so fat that he can't fit in a bath tub? A guy so fat that he can't fit in a bath tub.

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Why did the elephant paint his toenails orange? Because he wanted to hide in the pumpkin patch

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap ...in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations])That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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What do you call a group of homosexuals placing an order at McDonalds? Gay

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Q: What did the whale say to the other whale? A: MMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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What's worse then 1 bee sting? -2 Bee stings. What's worse then 2 bee stings? -The Holocaust. What's worse then the Holocaust? -3 Bee stings.

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A zucchini is walking down the street, when he spots a cucumber club on his left hand side. Having nothing else to do he decides to walk in. When he walks into the club all of the cucumbers stop and stare at this strange being in their club. Finally, after having one too many drinks, one cucumber decides that this ridiculousness has gone on long enough and it is up to him to say something, so he goes up to the zucchini and says, "Hey buddy, what's your problem, clearly you are in a cucumber club and you're a zucchini." The zucchini just looks at him, puzzled, and responds " A cucumber club? I thought this was a ucumber club!!!!!"... It's funny because zucchinis are dyslexic.

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Pinus Testicles

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What happens when you poke a ghost that is on the edge of a building?? Ghost aren't real, so therefor you will fall of the building and die????

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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