What did the girl with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Raped

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's the difference between a dead black man in the road, and a dead dog in the road? One is a human being that probably leaves behind family and friends that will miss his absence. The other is an animal that will also be missed, but to a lesser degree since dogs don't form a bond with people other than the family it shared its life with. In either of the two cases, if I witnessed the accident that caused the death, I would promptly notify the authorities so as to make sure that the driver of the vehicle that hit them would be subjected to a breathalyzer test.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why do skinny women eat their food fresh cooked? So that they don't contract food-borne diseases and risk dying.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the Catholic Priest say to Chris Hanson? Nothing. He attempted to flea, and was quickly taken down by law enforcement. He was then detained and processed and charged with Intent to commit statutory rape with a minor under the age of 14. He's still awaiting trial.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Your mama's so stupid she brought syrup to the quidditch world cup because she knew there would be quaffles!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's worse than having a FUPA? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A walrus walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the little girl crying? There was a frog stapled to her forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a structure used to support sitting people, the other is a human being native to Mexico.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. You're adopted.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

i jack off in the school bathroom #yolo -toby limbers

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park in a safe and risk free process.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I heard you like getting dirty, so I got a dump truck to dump dirt on your bed so you can get dirty while you get dirty.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If you throw a red stone in a blue lake what does it become? Simply a wet stone.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red, Bacon is red, Poems are hard, Bacon

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the girl fall of her bike? Because she got hit by a fridge!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Q: If I have 5 pencils, and you have 3 spoons, how many pancakes will stick to the ceiling? A: Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's green and runs through the forest? - A pack of cucumbers. What's wrong with that? - Cucumbers aren't pack animals.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats invisable and smells like a apple? An invisable apple

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard (herd)? If you don't understand these, use your dictionary and look up the words "blind," "deaf," "saw," "heard" and "herd." http://gpsphone-tracker.com/

thumb_up thumb_down +2

jingle bells jingle bells,, bells were jingled!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is the worst joke to tell a Orphan? Knock Knock Who's there Not your parents ( Man than slams door in little girls face)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

"What dosen't kill you makes you stronger" Except losing your arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

roses are grey violets are grey i am a dog woof woof

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops