A man walks into the bar and ask the bartender for a shot of vodka. He drinks the vodka.

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Why was the black Jew sad? He had to sit at the back of the oven

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what's red and blue? your heart

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Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"? Because that's where a box of everything you own is

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Why was the T-Rex so bad at math? Cause it was stupid

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Tifa, seriously... You cannot look like the game character and have the same name! HEY I am craving for a bit of infamy, how about we claim that we is I! Which will make me seem completely pathetic for spending the whole night chatting with myself... Which is not bad at all actually...

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? the holocaust

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Don't you hate when you finger your belly button and your nipples exploed?

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Two generals went for a trip, it went very well in general.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What is brown and sticky? A stick

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what has genitial warts? me

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Q:I finished my Homework A:thats what she said

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Q:What did the goat die? A: I dont know everything dies

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Roses are red Violets are blue And so does your mom…

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Roses are red, Violets are red, OH SHIT MY GARDENS ON FIRE

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The Morman Religion.

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What is the most dangerous gull in the world? A gull with a machine gun!

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "How'd you open the door?"

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What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me i'm going in.

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I'm on the seafood diet, a large proportion of my daily food intake consists of fish.

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What's fat and ugly? Your face ... But only if its fat and ugly

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Why did Susie fall off the swings? Because she was hit by a truck.

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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