Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was a cold day

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- I did your mom last night! - Thanks, Dad.

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Why did the plane crash? Because, it's pilot was a bagel.

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What does a pelican and a taxman have in common? Both are bipedal, both are carbon-based lifeforms that procreate by DNA replication, both in all probablility eat fish, both have survival instinct, both require fresh water for hydration, both have five senses; vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell, both are capable of at least limited cognition, and both can turn aggressive when provoked.

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why did the hedge hog cross the road? To get to his 'flat' mate!!

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wait am i supposed to right the joke down here

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Why did little tomas cry? Because he got raped by his uncle

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What's worse then a dead baby? a dead baby in a blender

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u suck

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Guy 1: why are you such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most p***y

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What did the child say after the priest touched him? Thank you for the ashes Father, have a blessed Lenten season.

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Q: What's multicoloured and spins around while screaming in agony? A: A clown in a washing machine.

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why does everyone like this website? ... because every other joke a little baby is dying.

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What's comfy and easy to wear? Shorts.

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why do some Jewish people have big noses? There religion doesn't affect the size of there nose it really depends on genetics, like the if there parents had a big nose, or a small one would probably affect the size of a Jewish person nose

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What does the young boy say to the gay man Hello Jacob, because he was raised to respect and treat gays equally

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The speeding car skidded on the rain-slicked roadway. Beyond the outside of the curve was a 100 meter drop-off. As the car slid toward the edge of the road, the driver and passenger both had a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach and wished they hadn't ordered vinegar milkshakes, the special of the day at Pickle Shack. Or it could have been the toadstools, but it didn't matter now.

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What did Tom get for Christmas? Gloves, but Tom had no arms.

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Why did nobody answer when billy knocked on the door? Billy was a loaf of bread.

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A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What did the drug addict get for Christmas? He got hepatitis, fired from his job, and nothing from his family because their relationship was badly damaged by his addiction.

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Q: why do orphans always go hard? A: because the can never go home.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to his party? Because he used to be alive and was burned to death by an overturned truck carrying chemical's so his family canceled the party to organise the funeral.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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