Lillie: tell me three adjectives that would describe yourself. Ellie: pretty, smart, and funny. Lillie: if I were to analyze you...I would say you are pretty, smart, and funny.

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What do you say to somebody that wont shut up Shut up!!!!

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Whats worse then getting shot in the leg? Getting shot twice in the leg

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Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree? A: Throw a moneky at her

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5 people are walking

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Yo mama so fat, that she feels uncomfortable in a bathing suit.

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What is useless and over-payed? Our government.

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Why did the man fall on the floor? He had a heart attack.

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Set up Punch line.

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What did the one horse say to the other. Nothing because horses can't talk.

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A deaf man walks into a bar. A few minutes later, cops come in and takes the poor man into the cop car and takes him downtown to the precinct for booking. Meanwhile, back in the bar the deaf man drinks his beer and converses with the bartender in sign language.

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What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs that gets stepped on a lot? Mat.

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A. THERE'S SOMETHING ON YOUR FACE B. WHAT?!? *PUNCH* A. IT WAS PAINNNNNNNNN

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What did the tomato say to the ketchup? Nothing both vegetables and condiments are inanimate objects, therefore cannot speak

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??????????????(?)/// ????????(^0^)/

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

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Two blondes are sitting in a car. They took a drive and later enjoyed turkey sandwiches at the local eatery.

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Why did the woman have sex with the man? Because she is over 18, which is above all of the legal consent ages in the United States.

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What did the cop do when he saw two Mexicans buying coke? Warned them of the health risks of drinking carbonated soft drinks.

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#scabbers

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Why should you be concerned if you see a black midget with no arms and no legs falling off a building? He might get hurt.

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Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? it has no legs.

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Not everyone with a mustache is a child molester, but not every child molester has a mustache.

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Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says, "Boy it's hot in here." The second says, "It sure is." Both muffins then faint from heat exhaustion and are eaten to death when taken out of the oven And thus tragically, the world would never know of the spectacular talking muffins.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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