Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

One day, Jimmy didn't wake up.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What happened to the deaf, dumb, and blind kid? I don't know. Niether does he.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

When is a door not a door? Never. a door is always a door. it cannot be anything else.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs? A: Evolutionarily destined to be eaten by a predator such as a wolf or coyote, barring haing a defense mechanism that allows it to fend off such attacks.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

A: Who keeps knocking on the wall? B: My neighbors have sex a lot. A: We should knock back.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's worse than seeing 5 dead babies on the side of the road? Realizing slavery is banned after buying a perfectly good young black male for a reasonable price at your local walmart.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

When life gives you lemons, you're probably at Mr. Life's fruit stand over on Imperial Avenue.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

your so fat. your fat!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

A man fell in a hole. He's dead now...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What do you say to a black man who is in your house at night-time, carrying your television? Sir, may you please put down the television as it belongs to me and I worked hard to earn the money to buy it. If you do not I will have to contact the authorities to deal with you in a correct and fair manner.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why can't Dave drive? Because Dave is an orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

An English man, a German man and a Canadian man stood on the edge of a cliff. The English and German both jump off. What happens then? The Canadian says "they were serious?!" and runs away to fake his death and live the rest of his life as Frank Brown.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Woman's Rights

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What Did The Ocean Say To The Other Ocean? What? Nothing, They Just Waved. Oh. Did You Sea What I Did There? No. I'm Shore You Did.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock Knock Who's there? The mailman The mailman who? How dumb are you?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Do you want to hear a joke about dogs? A joke about dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

What do Kobe Bryant and a toaster have in common? They both rape white women. Except for the toaster.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's worse than having a spiked club shoved up your butthole? Not much.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?............Gangrape

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red violets are blue faces like yours belong in a zoo don't be mad I'll be there too not in a cage but laughing at you

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you call a penguin in the desert? Most likely a dead penguin.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red, Violets are blue, No, violets are VIOLET, That’s why they’re called “violets.” Edmund Spenser was an idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops