There was a man with a job and kids. One day he came home from his job and went to sleep. He never woke up because it turns out he had a heart attack.

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Q: How do you tell a Jewish person that you love them? A: You tell them "I love you".

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How did the little boy get down from the top of the empire state building... He took the elevator

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Q: What happens when you throw a green rock in the Red Sea? A: It gets wet.

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Howmany licks does it take till you get to the tootsie roll center of tootsie pop? Well, The answer is not constant. There are many variables that need to be taken into account. Though the ph level of human saliva is a neutral seven it can vary about 2 tenths of a point from person to person. This is a factor that needs to be considered along with the size of the tongue, roughness of the tongue, and at what speed the licking is taking place at. After taking all these variables into consideration, the average number of licks it would take untill the chocolate center of a tootsie pop is approximately, 3 .

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar. No he doesn't.

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A man walks into a bar. He is promptly taken to the hospital where he finds out that he may have a concussion.

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Your mother has cupcakes, she offers you one, how many does she have left? The same amount she had before, you are full. Moral: Cupcakes.

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Person 1) Yo mama's so fat Person 2) My mother died in a horrible car accident last week

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A frog found a smoking cigarette on the road, so he/she takes it, smokes it, and explodes.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his head

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Why are Asians so good at math? because of their work ethic and determination to become the best at everything.rice.

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Why did the circus clown lose his balance? He had a seizure while on his unicycle, fell off, and bumped his head, leading to significant blunt trauma in the brain. Weeks later, after waking up from a coma, the doctors discover that he can no longer speak anything other than gibberish. His friends and family decide that he cannot go on living this way and decide to pull the plug.

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Q: What did the bulbasaur say to the charmanderr?? A: bulbasaurrr

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, And really aggravate my allergies.

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what does the black man say to the white man? nice weather were having huh.

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whats blue and fluffy? blue fluff.

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Q: What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? A: A genetic aberration that is an insult to both God and man.

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Roses are red Violets are blue this poem makes no sense Potato

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Knock Knock. Who's there? I don't know, you answer the door.

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When life gives you: High Fructose Corn Syrup,Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid,Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Phosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Fumarate, Yellow 5, Tocopherol, and less than 2% natural flavours... Make lemonade.

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Your momma's so fat: She regrets not making the most of her youth whilst she was still attractive.

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what did the monitor say to the boy? Im a Monitor

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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