Why did captain hook die? He wiped asss

thumb_up thumb_down -6

This is you cat This is just cat This is wasted cat This is your cat This is time cat This is reading cat This is this cat Now read the third word of every sentance

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what's worse than a pile of dead babies? a pile of dead babies with a live one at the bottom eating its way out.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do an eagle and a off-white light bulb have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the kid with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A bicycle.

thumb_up thumb_down

what do you call a black person who flies a plane? a pilot, you racist

thumb_up thumb_down -16

What's worse than tripping over a tree root? The destruction of the ancient city of Pompeii in A.D. 79. Though tripping over a tree root may hurt and result in the victim bleeding profusely, we live in the 21st century and at any time can call a doctor using a cellular device called a phone. In A.D. 79, no technology in this category existed. People were overpowered by the rage of a mountain that they believed was a sign of the wrath of the heavens. People had to flee the city and a majority of them we killed by either inhaling to much smoke or other causes. This continued for over 18 hours. Therefore, the destruction of Pompeii is far worse than tripping over a tree root.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What is BIG, STIFF, AND FULL OF SEMEN!!!? A SUBMARINE!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. They were walking and baby tomato starts lagging behind. So the papa tomato stomps on the baby tomato and says nothing because tomatoes can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: how do you make a baby blow bubbles? A: hold it under water, or as an alternative you could hold it under its twin sisters blood.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the drunk driver get into an accident? It was a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What has 7 mouths 3 eyes and 5 noses Something very ugly

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you get a baby to stop crying? Hit it with a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

yo mummas so FAT to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down -16

My butt!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you a badass who not a badass. Grant Lousbury.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the little girls who's parents died in a car accident get for her birthday? Foster Parents

thumb_up thumb_down +7

1Q: Quick! Ask me if I'm a lemon!! 2A: Your not a lemon 1A: :/ oh :/

thumb_up thumb_down -4

In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do an elephant and grapes have in common? They both have a trunk...except for the grapes

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Your mother is so black...because she recently suffered a horrible accident with fire and has irreparable skin damage.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the best part of having sex with twenty-four year olds? There's 20 of them.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you make a burns victim cry? You show them a mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

a read head, a brunet, and a blonde sneak into a merchant ship. security hears some noises and goes on to investigate. all three girls jump into banana sacks. security guard kicks the first sack with the read head in it and she growls like a dog, so the security sees its a dog and keeps on walking. he then kicks the sack with the brunet in it, she goes on to hiss like a cat. so then the security guard kicks the last sack with the blonde in it, and she yells out "bananas!"...the end

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops