One watermelon said the the other watermelon, "you are looking mighty plump today", the other watermelon didn't say anything because watermelons cant talk

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a giraffe walks into a bakery, "can I have 101 brown loafs please?" the baker answers: "hmm I've got only 100 loafs is that ok too?" the giraffe says: "why the hell would I need a 100 loafs?!"

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Where did suzie go for her Birthday? A van

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What did the dyslexic boy get for Christmas? A laptop. And he was very happy.

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Life gave me limes. Now how am I suppose to make lemonade

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -It's just Linda from nextdoor. -Oh hi Linda come on in.

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What happens when you cross a kangaroo and an elephant? Absolutely nothing. The two belong to entirely different animal families and their reproductive abilities are totally incompatible. A kangaroo could never fertilize an elephant, or vice versa. To suggest anything else is unrealistic and a physical impossibility.

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A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

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Are you from Tenessee? I heard you were from there

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When ducks fly in a V formation do you know why one side is longer than the other? Because there are more ducks on that side.

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What's worse than losing your phone? 9/11

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What's the difference between a duck and male black prostitute? The duck is says quack

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Why are female badgers more attracted to the smell of cheese than male badgers? I don't know. Ask Bill Snodgrass

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How do people from Indian Hill laugh? Like an Indian, huh, huh, huh!

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What's big and purple? Barney

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what's the worst thing ever? reality TV shows and singing contest shows

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charlie sheen

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I was walking down a railway line the other day... I was fined £1000

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Very few things are worse than this international tragedy Over six million people died, most of them tortured before they died. But stepping on a thumb tack is way up there

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A Jehovah's Witness knocks on my door. I didn't answer the door.

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A blonde enters a bar and orders an elevator.

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why has kallum just changed clothes to speak to a counsellor because he's socially awkward and has no peers

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What goes up and does not come down? Why the hell ask me.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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