- Anti Joke

What do Tutankhamun and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead

Why did the tomato blush? A tomato's complexion is already red so it simply appears to be blushing

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face (pokerface)

Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because no human can.

My mom farted, she also has Alzheimer's, I also have Alzheimer's. Also pizza didn't like it

How many Amish people does it take to change a light bulb? None because they don't believe in technology.

Knock Knock "Who's There?" No answer The man proceeds to go on with his life

Nature is filled with wondrous things. No really, this isn't a joke.

"So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember, this is a very smart wasp. He gets his high school diploma in a little under 3 years, with a 4.0 GPA and all that snazz. After high school, believe it or not, the wasp gets accepted to Harvard. Harvard! This too proves to be no challenge for our hero, as he graduates in just two years, again a 4.0, on the Dean's list, and all that snazz. Not to mention all the clubs and sports he was in-the newspaper, rowing, student government-and the fact that he was by far the most popular student on campus. Even his professors looked up to him. He goes on to get two PhDs, and when he finishes his education, the wasp faces a bit of a dilemma. How does he apply his knowledge now? Where does he go from here? He decides to try out politics. After all, he was popular throughout school, did well in Harvard government. So he runs for mayor, and wins in a landslide. He greatly reforms the city, fixing virtually all its major problems. He runs for governor and again wins in a landslide. Two years later, the presidential election was coming up, and the wasp decides he might as well go for it. Of course, he wins in the largest landslide in US presidential history. His presidency goes exceedingly well-he is loved by all parties, and has the highest approval ratings in history. He also finds the cures for cancer, AIDS, and broken hearts while in the White House. After 8 years (yes, of course he was reelected) the time has come for him to leave his office. Even his successor his saddened by the wasp’s departure, but they all know it’s what must be done. Back at his vacation home in California his first day after leaving office, the wasp looks back on his long and fruitful life. He realizes that he hasn't been back to his hive at all since that first day he left. He suddenly feels a twang of guilt as he realizes how much he misses his parents and his little brother. So he heads back to the hive, looking more worn out than he remembers. He goes inside and greets his family, who are overjoyed at the sight of him. He talks about how his life has gone as his family listens in wonderment. Eventually he decides he is thirsty, so he decides to visit the old watering hole he remembered. Once he gets there though, there’s an extremely long line. He decides it’s worth the wait, so gets in line. One hour. Two hours. This is the slowest moving line he’s ever seen! Eventually he calculates that it could be a few days before he gets to the front of the line, so decides it’s not worth it. He decides to go get some cider to drink instead, but waddya know, another huge line of people waiting for cider! He remembers one other drinking area that never had a long line-fruit punch! So he decides to go get punch. He arrives, and lo and behold, there's no punch line."

What did your mother say after I beat her? Nothing, because she was dead.

The awkward moment when you don't know whether to like or dislike this because you think I want like so you are gonna dislike but what If I want dislikes, but what if I want likes, you are confused Antijokeception....

If a tree falls in the forest, does anyone hear it? no, but it was home to several endangered species that are now extinct

what happened to the girl that didn't forward the threatening chain text to ten people? nothing.

why was the man afraid of the tree? Because it ate his mother!!!!!!

So a dog walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Quickly, someone give me the number for animal control."

Roses are red Roses are red What is big Cherenets head

Why did the child get hit by a bus? He was blind.

What did the grass say to the human "Hey" The human then screams and runs to safety

Roses are black Violets are Black I'm Hellen Keller

A chicken rode into town on a horse named Friday. He was later shot by a dyslexic Russian dinosaur.

Whos the best Jewish Cook? Hitler.

No, you would have made me unhappy and yourself miserable, until you truly value who you are, as we that still look up to you to this day, you wont see the greatness within you.

How can you tell the difference between a black man and a white man? Quite easily actually.

My girlfriend told me I couldn't satisfy her sexually. I told her she was beautiful and gave her flowers.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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