What do you get if you take the head off a Koala and a Wombat and swap them around? A bloody mess and about 4 years in jail.

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A chicken met a chicken, And they were chickens two, Two chickens met two chickens, And they were chickens too. Four chickens met a boiling pot And they were chicken stew.

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What's better than finding a $5.00 bill on the floor? Finding the person who actually owns it.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Seven is a murderer.

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knock knock who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill Smith, we went to high school together. Oh hey Bill, come on in.

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? -because she had no arms

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead.

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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This is Axel, if you are who I think you are, you are late.

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

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what happens when I bought a car. A man stole it from me and killed my family.

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A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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A drunk guy walks out of an AA meeting.

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knock knock who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill Smith, we went to high school together. Oh hey Bill, come on in.

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when life gives you lemons, force a hobo to eat them because lemonade is going to suck if life doesnt give you any sugar.

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Why did the man fall off his bike? Because he wasn't on a bike.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? The Batmobile only seats one, you'll have to take the bike Boy Wonder.

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What did one cannibal set to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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black people swimming

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What do you call a person from China? Chinese, duh.

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whats the sad part of 4 negroes driving off a cliff? the car couldve fit 5

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Why did the black man not tip his waiter? Because she provided terrible service and was undeserving.

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What's the difference between an egg and a Llama? The'yre both not lamps.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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