What would Billy Mays do if he were alive today? Yell.

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What's green and has wheels? A bus. I lied about the green.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzheimers Roses are red

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Why didn't Clemson accept John Burns' college application? Because John Burns was wanted for five counts of first degree murder.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What do you call a black doctor? Doctor.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Hello Carolina, let me lick your vagina.

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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette was stranded on a deserted island. A genie appeared and said nothing, because genies doesn't exist

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What did the little boy say when he was sick? Nothing. He stayed in bed and slept all day.

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas

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What do you call an Aboriginal in a yellow sleeping bag? An organised man, ready for the harsh winter ahead.

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A raptor and a Tyrannosaurus Rex walk into a bar. Everyone runs for their lives as the dinosaurs ate everyone who was too slow.

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knock knock. who's there? Alticka Alticka who? Alticka pudding cup.

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What do you call a horse with two legs? A kangaroo

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Why did the Black man drown? Because he could not and did not know how to swim. Because he could not afford the lessons to learn how to swim. Because he does not have the financial means to afford a lesson in swimming. Because he is of a low socio-economic level.

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You see this dick stop being a spick now suck on my wee wee u prick

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You Mom is so ugly, It makes sense why you always have that look on your face!

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see ya

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Dead Babies

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What did Jesus say to Moses? Jesus isn't real. Moses replied, "Do you think I'm stupid? I'm talking to him!"

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Why was the man walking down the street late at night? Because he's homeless and has nowhere to stay.

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whats worss than getting a papercut gohnnarea

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The big male boar went out the forest, saw a group of women and start to swank.

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Abortion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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