What's big, wet and yellowish-green at midnight? I don't know. That's why I'm asking.

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Person 1: I got a really good knock, knock joke. Person 2: Okay. Person 1: You start. Person 2: Knock, knock. Person 1: Who's there? Person 2: ...

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What does a frog in a blender sound like? *WWWRRRRRRRBFFFFZZZZZCHWEEERRRRRR*

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What did one tree say to the other? "Hey Phil, how's it going?

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What is the difference between a dead baby and a Lamborghini? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

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No, you think faster smarter and harder than everyone I know, you change and adapt faster for each day, sometimes I just think one has to stop asking oneself what makes one happy, and simply choose to be happy.

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(warning- this is sort of funny) A mom takes her son to cvs to pick up her pills. Son- Mom whats a pharmacists? Mom- well sweetie its a person who sells people drugs Monday Morning Teacher- Class, did you learn anything over the weekend? Son- Yah, i learned that my mommy has been taking me with her every week, to a person who sells drugs Later that week Teacher- Yes, hi, um your son has told me that you take him to buy drugs with you, i may have to call social services Mom- what? this is a misunderstanding, i go to a pharmacists to buy drugs. That evening Mom-what did you tell your teacher at school Son- you've been telling me that i go with you to buy drugs Mom- baby i need pills, well, because, im sick. Son- ohhhhhhhhhhhh ok At school Teacher- Billy ive called s.s on your mom, u will be living with foster parents Son- ohhhhhhhhhhhh ok Evening Police- ?Ms. Thackery, is this your student. Teacher- Yes Police- His mom has tradgicly died in a pool of tears after finding out YOU called s.s Mom- what? omg. DAMN Police- Im afraid u r under arrest for the cause of his mothers death Class- yayyyyyyy wooo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Billy Billy Billy Billy. hip hip hooray Teacher- Damn Son- mommy? Police- ur mommy's dead, sucks right sooooooo here's a box and ten bucks......... go live your life

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream cone? He was hit by a bus

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Q: What's black and white, and red all over ? A: A penguin in a blender.

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What's the difference between a hipster and a steaming pile of shit? Many things.

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Johnny Manziel is the best quarterback ever (this isn't a joke only a true statement)(this is a remake of a previous joke)

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What did the little girl get for Christmas? A pipe bomb

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? It doesn't matter, the only chuck that matters is Chuck Norris.

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8 muslims walk into a bar You know why. Because their suicidal bombing plans were put off until Tuesday

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knock knock, whos there? your neighbor's cat..no not really, but your sister just got raped

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Why did the man wear his jacket because he was cold

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Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Good guess!

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What is worse than a nuke exploding? Going to the hospital and finding out you have cancer and aids.

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Why was the black guy charged for murder? He killed his wife.

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Q: Why couldn' the muslim eat pork? A: Because he had been raped and killed by a giant scorpion.

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everyone lies especially if they said agree to terms of service

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"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "I already asked ''Banana who?'' Is that your real name? Who is this really?" "Knock Knock." "You are upsetting me. I am calling the police now. Please get off my property."

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I just flew in from New York and boy are my arms tired. I was jerking off during the entire plane ride.

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Why wasn't the drunk driver arrested when he killed a man? Because he died as well.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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