Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died! Why did the chicken fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the monkey!!

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What Batman said to Robin before they got in the car? -Get in the car Robin!

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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How do you make time fly? Develop a flying suit to put on a sun dial.

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Anti-Joke Memes Are Obviously Not A Thing

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Why did the old man get wet even though he was using an umbrella? Because it didn't save from falling off the bridge.

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How did Helen Kellers parents punish her? They moved the furniture.

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Dad: Blind side was the black kid who played tight end. Me: Offensive line. Dad: Sorry, African American kid.

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Have you ever heard of Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To warn people on the other side that the sky was falling Why did the cow cross the road? Cause he had madcow disease Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

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What is the difference between a circle and a cylinder? dunno

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How do you confuse a blonde? take the albuterol

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Stolen.

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One man calls emergency: - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom! After five minutes, the same man calls back: - It is OK, I found another one.

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why was it funny that the boy got hairspray for christmas because he had leukemia

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What do you call a fish without gills? Dead

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A cat walks into a Chinese restaurant. It is then asked to leave.

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What's brown and sticky? A Mexicans underwear.

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You see that dog over there with no tail? You know what that means, don't you? What? Someone cut it off.

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What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? Shot.

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What did Hitler say to Obama Nothing because Hitler is dead.

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A lobster walks up to an octopus. What does he say? Nothing. Lobsters cannot talk.

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Where do cows go for entertainment? Nowhere, most are slaughtered, processed, and eaten by humans.

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What's worse than missing your favorite TV show? 9/11.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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