Why did the girl fall out of the swing? She was dead.

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A man walks into a bar and says "I just got back from the battered woman's shelter, and boy are my arms tired" Everyone laughed. The man sat at the end of the bar drinking alone. He was proud of the fine craftsmanship of the shelves he put up in the shelter's pantry, regardless of what others may think.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes

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A man is so drunk that the alcohol has a biphasic effect on the body, meaning that its effects change over time. Initially, alcohol typically produces feelings of relaxation and cheerfulness. Increased consumption, however, can lead to dehydration, coordination problems, blurred vision, and a great number of health, medical, and social issues and other drinking problems caused by alcoholism. As articulated above, excessive alcohol consumption can lead to drunkenness. One of the short term effects of intoxication is the lowering of an individual's inhibitions. As a consequence, when people are intoxicated they frequently do things they normally would not do while sober, often ignoring legal, ethical, social, and moral or religious norms. While blurred vision, slurred speech, dehydration, and coordination can be labeled as "alcohol short term effects," other health problems such as alcohol related heart disease, liver disease, and cancer, on the other hand, can be labeled as long term effects of alcohol abuse and alcoholism. This, however brief, is an overview of the effects of alcohol. What remains to be discussed, however, is what Paul Harvey calls "the rest of the story." Essentially, "the rest of the story" is a more detailed analysis of how excessive alcohol affects an individual's life and the lives of those around him or her when the person becomes an alcoholic and suffers from alcoholism. Perhaps the most logical way to discuss this complex topic is to focus first on the classic alcoholic behaviors and effects of alcohol in the four states of alcoholism; then examine some of the "social effects" of alcohol and alcoholism and finally, discuss the medical conditions, health issues, and drinking problems that are caused directly or indirectly by alcoholism.

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What do you call a man with no arms? Richard, as that is his name.

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Knock, knock Who's there? You're adopted...

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Impossible, fruits to not have the ability to talk.

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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12 sea cows waddle into a bar... Yea, I bet, you'd like to hear the end of that one.

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Did you hear about the young couple that confused K-Y jelly with window caulking? All their windows fell out.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after. Up Jack got, and home did trot, as fast as he could caper, to old Dame Dob, who proceeded to get Jill convicted of attempted murder, as well as several millions of dollars for pain and suffering.

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There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass This was incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing for him. It also affected his sexual potency and rendered him infertile, Which drastically affected his ability to enter and sustain relationships with women.

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So a guy walks into a bar.... he gets a few drinks pays his bill and goes home.

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What do you get if you have 59 apples in your right hand and 74 pints of ice cream in your right? Large hands.

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Im a Tree... BARK BARK!!!

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Why was the white man arrested? He was a rapist.

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Have you ever treat woman like sandwich? Elephant and walrus said Jews are troubles. If six plus nine is five, chickens will eat you, saturdays.

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A slutty deer walks into a bar she then comes out and says wow i cant believe i blew 30 bucks

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What did the moose say to the hunter? I don't know, what? Nothing, a moose is an animal therefore it can't say anything.

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Which side of a chicken has more feathers? The outside.

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What musical band do you get if you keep shouting while in the mountain? The rolling stones. What do you get if you keep shouting in a snow covered mountain top? Blizzard Entertainment.

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You can't choose your family, so choose someone else's.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get back up? She had no legs. Why couldn't she see? The sun was in her eyes.

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What did the girl say when she was hit by a train? Nothing she exploded on impact

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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