there are three types of people in this world, those who can't count, and those who can. STFU, you corny loser

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What do you call a Chinese person with a computer for a head? Dead because it is impossible for your heart to function with out a brain

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There was a blonde driving a car but she was late to a meeting so she started speeding but then a police officer pulls her over. The officer asked the blonde "Do you know how fast you were going?" to which the blonde responded "Yes, I am late to a meeting" so the police gives a ticket for speeding and she ends up going late to her meeting.

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Hi! Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Roughly 1150 pounds if a full grow male.

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What's green and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A Pool Table.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Joke.

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What do you call a blonde at the beach? A dipthong.

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Why did God use one of Adam's ribs to create Eve? He didn't. God doesn't exist

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Two latino men are drinking at a bar. Suddenly, one man falls off his barstool, unconscious. Later that day, he was diagnosed with pancreatitis, and died never having dealt with his severe alcoholism.

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What's worse than stepping on a lego? Being eaten alive by a man-sized spider.

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My friend asks me what my mom does for a living and i told him that she is a nurse. Then he says "That a good job because she is able to save lives". I quickly reply "She works in an abortion clinic".

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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How many babies could a cannibal eat? 132/267 of a baby

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Q: What has two wheels and is not funny? A:Ryan Vallee on a segway -Ryan V

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Justin Beiber walks into a bar. He is not served any alcohol because he is not yet 21.

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david what a baghead

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When my brother was hanging at YOUR cross, he asked "daddy" "Oh father why!" Then lightning struck and the weather went to fuck. Moral: WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE IS THAT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!?

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Do you wanna build a snowman? Person: do you wanna live * or nah

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? A watermelon is edible.

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What do a bucket and a women have in common? Before 1928 neither had the right to vote. The bucket still can't.

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adam hodgson !

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THER ONCE WAS A jueny WITH A TEN FOOT WENNY AND HE WENT TO SHOW IT TO THE LADY NEXT DOOR SHE THOUGHT IT WAS A SNKE SO SHE HIT IT WITH A RAKE AND NOW ITS ONLY FIVE FOOT FOUR!

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It is wrong to strip a homeless man of his clothes and chew his face off. Note to self: Explain this to someone before they have taken bath salts.

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What do you do when you see your wife outside the kitchen? Tell her to enjoy the rest of her day, and you look forward to spending time with her when you both get home from your jobs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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