What is the difference between a mexican and a bench? One is living, one is not.

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88

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What do you call a black man on a bike? Environmentally friendly.

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What did the pretty young girl get for her birthday? Cake and presents (get your mind out of the gutter).

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You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

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3 men walk into a bank. They rob the bank and kil 13 hostages.

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What does a Jew do when he sees a masked man at his door? He grabs a phone to alert the police and hides in his bedroom.

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I have a joke Who is better, Kobe or Lebron? Kobe. But I lied, that wasn't a joke.

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What did I say to my mum this morning? Good morning.

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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Moral

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A man walks into the kitchen tells the woman to make him a sandwich and walks out.

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Why didnt Jimmy go to school on Thursday? Jimmy is a vegetarian!

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The other day a male African American approached me in a less than reputable neighborhood after dark and inquired as to whether or not I had a dollar which I could spare. I politely told him I didn't and apologized. He forgave me and we went our seperate ways.

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Womens Rights.

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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you're so stupid, you have trouble understanding what you read, like the newspaper, for example

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Guest-knock knock (silence) Guest-hello is anyone there? no go away Guest-looks like there is no one here lets leave

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A dyslexic walks into church and asks the priest. "Father is there a dog."

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Me and my wife set and watch the eleven o'clock news every night. My wife always thinks that she has the different disease that is mentioned each day. One night she was practically in tears telling me that she had the disease that was talked about that night. I looked at her and said "honey, there is no way that you have testicular cancer. You don't even have testiculars." The End

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

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Why did the kid want money? So he could buy pokemon cards.

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Three nuns walk into a bar. They realize they are in a place they don't want to be, so they leave, casting furtive glances around, fearing that someone from their congregation will see them and think they went in to drink.

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What did the Chinese man do with the sick dog he found in the alleyway? He took it to the vet, nursed it back to health, and later helped the dog get adopted by a nice family down the street.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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