- Anti Joke

Hey! do you have any updog? Nothing much! you?

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I told him to. I'm very influential.

What did the alcoholic do when he finished his beer? Opened another one.

What did one man say to the other? I'm a Mormon.

Two muffins are put in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "is it just me or is it getting hot in here?". The other muffin says,"HOLY CRAP!!!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!".

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Why was the Asian man told to open his eyes? He was sleeping.

What did the man with no arms say to the jewish man? I have no arms.

What did the fat girl use on Wii Fit? Cheat Codes.

How do you kill Justin Beiber? By stabbing him 38 times in the chest.

A boy's parents buy him a Wii for Christmas. The boy hangs himself the next day because you need arms to play Wii.

What does a tomato and a human have in common? They both spray red liquid when stabbed repeatedly

What did the turtle say to the hare? Nothing. Animals can't speak.

Guns don't kill people; high speed bullets and sharp projectiles launched at high speeds usually inflict painful and possibly fatal wounds that may kill someone. That someone loves and is loved by others.

Why was the bear rushing home after work? Because he was late for dinner.

Jacob Edwards has friends.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being raped by a giant scorpion.

Keira Knightley walked in to a coffee shop. The man behind the counter said "Wow, you're Keira Knightley!". Keira replied, "No, actually I am just one of your many masturbatory fantasies. You are currently staring at an old lady that just asked you for a latte". "Oh, by the way. You are drooling and have an erection."

Why did Susan fall of the swing? She had no arms... Knock Knock... Who's there? Not Susan...

Why was Osama Bin Laden killed? Because he couldn't dodge all the bullets in time

Q: what does a worm and a fish have in common? A: they are both a worm, apart from the fish

Blarg, with ritalin everything tastes like cardboard, but on the bright side I can taste, lucky me I am so handsome the ones that attacked us did not want to ruin "my pretty face", so I just got a few cuts before I broke his, they never see a steel fist arriving you know... Listen, you are wrong, you gotta think less about me, and much more about yourself, you feel like you should worry more about me emotionally, but worry about your feelings more despite that because I can more or less hear your body saying "please take care of me", I mean I can more or less hear the urges and needs of women, thats why I am so good around them, I dont put them in a trance "vampire style" i just make them feel safe around me because it is safe around me, I am safe at all times because I am who I am. Listen, worry about your needs, turn of all mental alarms, I can sense (I dont know how, Richard Bandler put that into me) that you are in lack of sleep, food and sleep (I can sense it now, you havent slept well since you thought I was dead, it makes logical sense, it always does, its not magic, its the human potential unleashed) So take care of yourself, turn of your body`s needs one by one, shower, eat, drink (eat something good), and if you are at the couch, go get a pillow and lie down, this is about you, because I cant feel well if those I love and care about dont feel well okay? Please allow me to sleep easily and try getting some sleep yourself even if my guys are 15 minutes away. Let me know that you feel better.

What's 1+1? Window! Just kidding it's 2.

A man walks into a bar. After several hours of drinking and loud unintellegable outbursts to those around him, the man wonders off to a nearby bus stop and relieves himself. He is now a registered sex offender.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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