A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Your Mother is so kind that when I see her I say hello and ask her how she has been

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Wanna hear a joke......... your moms face !!

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How come Asian's are so clever? Their baby food is blended textbook paste.

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Two parrots were sitting next to each other. One parrot said "hey" The other parrot replied "hey" therefore making the first parrot say "hey" which made the other parrot say "hey" again making the... this conversation, comprised of just one word lasted a very long time. aproximately 16749 hours.

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Q: What's worse than a paper cut? A: 9/11

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How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house? You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbours saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. I ate it.

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Why did Helen Kelley's dog run away I'd run away to if my name was. Ughgughgughgiggughfufh.

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im not black, im Joseph Kony

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how do you drowned a blonde? put ankle weights on her and throw her in a river.

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why do elephants eat peanuts? so they can save the wrappers for valuable prizes

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How do Elmer Fudd take a shower? Without a shampoo, he's bald..

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Why are black people afraid of white people? Over two hundred years of oppression.

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Whats blue and smells like red paint? If you know the answer then you should probably stop sniffing paint.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get back up? She had no legs.

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A short Irish man and a tall German man went skydiving. Both parachutes coincidentally failed to deploy and they died.

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I just found out i have cancer.

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Why did Susie start shaking? She had continuous ceasars

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what do you get if you take the head off a duck and a monkey, and swap them over to the other bodies. 2 dead animals and quite alot of mess

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Why did the Jew pick up the penny? Because he dropped it

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What did Greg say to John? Nothing. Greg died in a horrible plane crash

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Knock knock? Who's there? Herpes. Bummer.

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the mean terrorist said "i am going to kill your mother" that mother is now dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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