What do you call a black man repairing a car? A mechanic who has worked very hard to gain his qualifiaction.

What starts with F and ends with Uck? F U C K

What's long,black and wrapped in something yellow ?? A twix

Why didn't the Irishman walk into the bar? Beacause he had killed himself the previous night as a result of his alcoholism.

I love you You love me Barney gave me HIVS It started with a hug and ended on the floor IVE BEEN RAPED BY A DINOSAUR!

why is andreas making a pizza? since he dosent get laid he likes the feeling of the sauce stinging on his dick

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HOW TO RE-AD : FOR DUMMIES. (HELLEN KELLER ADDITION)

A dyslexic walks into a bar. He called it a bra because he was dyslexic and dyslexics misspell things. People laughed at him because mental disabilities are inherently humorous to them.

Q: What did the bus driver say to the black man? A: Nothing, he simply greeted him with a nod, as he would do to any other person who chose to ride the bus.

How old is your mom Dead

yo mama so fat, her favorite food is seconds.

Why did the family have no Christmas tree this year? Because they are Jewish.

Its about rewriting the laws of the universe and nothing less, yes yes theoretically the subconcious has unlimited potential (or at least potential we humans cannot theoretically comprehend nor define). But what if I can use my consciousness to trick my subconsciousness? What if I use the subconsciousness to trick the consciousness into tricking the subconciousness?

Bill: My brother died on 9/11 Steve: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Was he in one of the towers? Bill: Both. Steve: Both? Bill: Well, he was in the first tower when the first plane hit, so he ran over warn everybody in the second tower. While he was in the second tower, he died of AIDS. Steve: LOL! Bill: Quit your laughing, Steve, and make sweet, sweet love to me! Steve: It would be my pleasure! (While Bill and Steve made sweet, sweet love on a park bench, little did they know that a hundred miles away in a beautiful Los Angeles home, actor Jeff Goldblum was making himself a turkey sandwich with extra mayonnaise)

Your Mother is so kind that when I see her I say hello and ask her how she has been

Why did the chicken cross the road? So he could DO YO MOMM!!!

Why couldn't the kitten drink its milk? Because his face was stapled to the wall.

Q:What do you say to an albino man that will always get his attention? A:His name.

your mom is so fat she is at high risk of a future heart attack and should be taken to a cardiologist

ONE DAY THE SKY OPENS AND SUDDENLY Gad: Jews, you are my chosen people! Jews: YAY! GODS CHOSEN! WE ARE GONNA BATHE IN RICHES AND YOU WILL COMMAND US TO RAID AND RAPE LANDS! FOR OURSELVES! AND EVERYTHING! Gad: Eh... Well, actually I was thinking more like... Jews: YAY WE ARE GONNA CONQUER THE WORLD! GAD IS WITH US NAO! Right Gay? I mean Gad... Cough... Gad: Err, well *cough* suuure, I mean... Jews: YAY! WE ARE GADS CHOSEN! WE ARE GONNA GET MIGHTY! Moral: "You do not want to be "Gods chosen" people!" Btw, you telling me Jewsus was not a Jew? Hmm?

You are the third derivative of the position function.

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She didn't use enough sunscreen.

i am iron man running over fat kids in my van

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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