How did Helen Keller's parents discipline her? Hopefully not too sternly. There's not much trouble a blind and deaf girl can get into, one would imagine.

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Good friends are like snowflakes. They disappear when you pee on them.

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What is black and white, and red all over? I don't know that's why I was asking.

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What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? Nothing. He is Jewish, therefore he does not celebrate Christmas, he celebrates Hanukkah. So he won't get a present for Christmas, he will get eight presents for Hanukkah. (He'll like getting a good deal).

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whats the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? i don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

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A duck walks into a bar.... Duck: Can I have a glass of water? Bartender: How would you like to pay for it? Duck: Put it on my bill

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Why did the dog cross the road? Because the pizza man saw how hungry he was and left a pizza for the dog. So when the dog saw the pizza he went to go get the pizza, because he was hungry. In hindsight the moral of the story is: if you ever see a hungry dog on the other side of the road, become a pizza man (if you aren't already) and give him a pizza.

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Why didn't the little boy believe in Santa Clause? Because' he saw his parents putting presents under the tree, and saw his over weight father eat all the cookies.

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John had 50 candy bars and he ate 45 what does he have...... Diabeaties

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Set an alarm for an appropriate time

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Why was Bootylatrice tardy for school? -She overslept.

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JFK

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Yo momma is so fat, that she is not able to wear the clothes she wore the previous year.

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Why did the man scream? He got shot in the eye with a nail gun.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Knock-knock. Who's there? The Chicken.

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Two men walk into a bar. It turns out the bar was a lever and set off a bomb. They both died.

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What do you call a blonde girl with ponytails? A cheerleader.

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What do a blueberry and a raspberry have in common? They are both commonly used in parfaits.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms

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What do a baby and popcorn have in common? They both pop in an explosive manner when put in a microwave and both can be consumed by the person who may have put the baby and popcorn in it so if you think this is funny then you have some problems and i will shortly in some period of time when my schedule is cleared refer you to a licensed psychologist and we will make an appointment for you.

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your mamas so old, her social security number is 1!

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A young boy is crying in the park, when priest walks up to him -What's the matter son? -My parents died in a horrible car accident 2 weeks ago and now i'm held in an abusive household.

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Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

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Why was a mother crying at a hospital? Because a bird threw a stick at her five minutes ago.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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