Why did the boy drop the ice cream? Because he had a seizure.

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Don't tell anyone, the Health Department is already on our backs.

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What's read, round and gets smaller? A baby combing its hair with a potato pearler

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What did the black man do in the Italian Pub? He gave a 20% tip and couldn't have been more courteous.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? It's Jim. Jim who? I'm your son, Jim. Are you losing your memory?

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i had a dream last night;) it was sad because you lived but then i dreamed up a bus and made it hit you. i had a dream last night;) you died

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Why did the man fart? He didn't. Stop being so dirty-minded.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Just open the damn door I forgot my key and I really need to pee

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What is green and red all over? A christmas tree that is internally bleading.

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If you're head weren't attached to your shoulders... you'd be dead.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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A man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie emerged from the lamp. The genie asked what his new master's wishes were. The man wished for asthma.

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A man walks into a bar, little did he know it was a gay bar and a few of the regulars were drinking and got overly aggressive the unaware man was then forced into the bathroom and raped by the aggressive gay lovers

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Well, you see, I'm an extractor fan.

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why did the kid get chemotherapy? because he had cancer

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What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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What happens when you shoot a giraffe? It dies.

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What did the scuba diver say to his partner when he got stuck in some seaweed. Something that sort of sounded like glug, or maybe blub, or some other sound you would hear trying to talk underwater.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: BABABABABA BABABA RARARA LALALA ETC YOU GOT THE DRILL Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY!Ungrateful kids. Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Sociopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.Heck if you look at episode 34 you can see a tall handsome dude choking the life of a little boy in the background, and then letting him go just before he passes out and chokes him again? FUN FOR HOURS!

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What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAA

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In space, no one can hear you scream. Which means Xenomorphs are deaf.

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How do you drown a blonde? You hold her head under water until water gets into her lungs and she cant breathe.

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What turns red and explodes in a microwave A cat

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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