Why did the crossing guard drop his whistle? Because a kid got hit by a passing elephant.

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Why did the tree fall down? Because no one caught it.

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why did the chicken cross the road? who cares its a chicken.

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What did the man say to the cat? Nothing. He doesn't have a cat.

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How do you make someone laugh at a funeral? Laughing gas How do you make someone cry at a birthday party? Tear gas How do you make someone high at a wedding? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - There are many ways to get high in a wedding. Gas is not the only option.

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your matriarchal component is so overweight that her body mass index is over the desired level for her height and age

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Q. What is green and has wheels? A. Grass, I was joking about the wheels.

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What's better than four dead babies in one trashcan? Nothing. Those babies could have grown up to be new heads of state or even the doctor who discovers the cure for cancer.

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Q: What happens when you throw a glowing purple rock into a bright green stream? A: It makes a splash

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a man and his son pull up out side b&q and the man says to his son run in there and get me a black n decker and the boy goes in and is standing in the power tools isle and he looks round and there is a lady standing next to him so he hit her, the woman happened to be black and 2 minutes later a security guard rushes round and says son what did u do that for and the son said my dad told me to come in and get a black n decker!

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Why does the St. Johns River flow north? Because Georgia Sucks.

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Why didn't Joe want to stand up? Because he had no legs!

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Do you wanna hear a Ebola joke? You probably won't get it

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Your mom is so old, I am surprised she can still own a house and function on her own.

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What did the white guy say to the black guy wearing a black T-shirt? That's a very nice shirt.

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What do u call a six year old boy holding a gun. illegal

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Caroline Kelly...Tight Butthole

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A-S-S-H-O-L-E!!!! Everybody A-S-S-H-O-L-E!!!!

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why is there art classes so people can make beautiful pieces of art :)

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How do you drown a blond girl? Forcibly hold her head under water until it enters the lungs and prevents the absorption of oxygen leading to cerebral hypoxia and myocardial infarction.

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Who's looking for judicial toenail clippings?

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Whats better than sitting here writing anti jokes? Sitting in ENGLISH and writing anti jokes. Shoutout to Link Deas

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Why was the Tortous and the Hare written? So fat people will feel good about themselves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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