There once was a man named Steve. One day, Steve stumbled stupidly, shredding his shirt, shoes and shorts and subsequently shocking Susie; a small shy salsa student. When he arrived home, Steve's wife asked "how was your day dear?" Steve panicked at the thought of having to explain this traumatic event, but thankfully he had undergone speech therapy for his lisp.

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Three girls are eating icecream one girl sucks on her icecream the second girl licks on her icecream and the third girl bites on her icecream. Q: Which of the three girls is married? A: The girl with the wedding ring.

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A duck walks into a bar. A horse walks into a bar. A cow walks into a bar. A bear walks into a bar. The owner tells them to get out, but they can't understand humans. So they just stayed there.

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? Because she has no arms Why can't she get back up? Because she has no legs Why won't anyone help her up? Because she's a woman.

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Why is the sky blue? Well it has something to do with The suns reflection off of all the waters on earth's surface.

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How will Jesse die? His mom doesnt have any food left (or money) so she eats him, and then jesse's fat little brother farts on his obese corpse

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John Cena

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What's sad about a dog and it's owner dying in a car accident? They were on their way to the vet.

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Whats the difference between a sandwhich and a dead baby? People eat sandwhiches.

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Did you hear about the new pirate movie? It was rated PG-13.

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Knock Knock Who's there? ImBrewn

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one bright morning in the middle of the night two dead boys got up to fight back to back they faced each other drew thier swords and shot each other a deff policeman heard this noise came and shot the two dead boys if you dont believe this lie is true ask the blind man he saw it too

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Ps. I am getting green thumbs, which is weird, I never even expected for anyone to even bother to read my fucking long comments,but then again... As my wife said, " I am not pissed at the fact that members of my movement dont depend too much of my advice in order to get along in life for nothing". True, while horsehead network might mock me, and my "blood family hate and/or fear me" It takes only a look into my wife`s eyes to feel like a God... All while I got many thousand members of Neronism worldwide waiting for me to cope with my past so they can worship me (which pisses me off, it was never my intention, I give them life advice on how to shape their own life, not on how to cling to me). Nero: Neronism, look it up, join me, stop looking for the answers in religion, but stand up for yourself and realize that there is no reason to wait for life after death, when we together, can create heaven on earth. Yes esteemed members, I am back on my feet, and I am wearing my ortopedic arm made of steel again, consider it symbolism. Its free btw, your money is worthless to me, if you choose to see life for what it is in the eyes of a true human being, then you on the other hand, are worth as much as I am... What I am worth is something I will leave up to your opinion, because sure as fuck if I dont consider myself better than people most already. Its time to push forward again, led by a fist of steel.

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Make an effort in life whenever you want. Fight trough life when you got no other choice.

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Why did the little boy let go of his balloon? Because I was raping his face.

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Q. have you seen stevie wonders last album? A. neither has he.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Its the pizza man. Get your yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1,2...10

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 24

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A panda bear walks into a bar. The bartender then alerts the zoo of the whereabouts of their missing panda.

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whos gay and sits next to me? Griffen in my architecture class

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Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Inform her that she is an illegitimate child resulting from a vicious, torturous rape and that her mother will never truly love her.

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Golgo12 here, I can see how some people consider you insane Nero, glad to know point zero is the starting ground of your elysum, that should show them how a modern society should be like. You got six years left to live? That sucks man sorry to hear that. Ur real name is Nero? Axel Knight sounds so much more... You.

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Did you see the blind man get hit by a car? Neither did he.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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