What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding poo in your shoe.

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What do you call a fake noodle An impasta

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Why was the black man afraid of leaving his house? Because he has severe agoraphobia and cannot function normally in society.

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Hello penis

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If Jimmy has $5, and he finds $20 on the street, how much money does Jim have? None. He was mugged by a black man.

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What has 7 mouths 3 eyes and 5 noses Something very ugly

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Violets are red. Roses are blue. I am drunk, and i'm about to spew.

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Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga A: You pokerface

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock (who's there?) Not Sally.

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How was Charles Manson able to get women to kill for him? Because he was charismatic and intelligent.

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Why did Bob wear a jumper and trousers even though it was a very hot day? Because he is an idiot.

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What do you call a kid with no arms, no legs, and an eyepatch? Names.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

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Why cant Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles read? Because they are blind you racist.

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so there are two muffins in an oven. one muffin says to the other muffin, "hey is it hot in here or is it just me?" the other muffin says, "holy sh*t your a talking muffin."

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When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

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how did I get in your moms pants. I ripped them off.

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jacobs 1inch gets matt. t in 4 seconds

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John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What's funner than a barrel of monkeys ? Not the Holocaust .

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im bad at rhyming Refridgerator

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What did the teacher say to the kid who got a 0 on a multiple choice spelling test? Wow your really dumb. Idiot

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? SOL.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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