What did the three blind mice say to the priest? I'm blind :(

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Why is the fat kid on the ground crying? Because I hit him with a shovel

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lewis=cardiac

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Why was the mouse flying? Because an Owl picked it up, carried it to a tree and ate it.

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A horse walked into a bar and ordered a drink. It was nothing out of the ordinary because the Everett-Wheeler interpretation of quantum mechanics is correct and he lived in a parallel universe in which the roles of humans and horses are reversed.

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where's waldo? in a picture book.

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? the pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven.

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What did the girl say to the guy raping her? Stop.

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whats awesome? a blade of grass with a mexican hat and a revolver.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Fine, just remember that I want to help you, but you cannot ask me for help, and then throw a shitstorm of accusations at me, I have never worked for the feds and never will, I know nothing about their code of operations nor... Anything really. Let me give you an advice, I know that at least two people you trusted deeply betrayed you, but if you are not going to trust anyone again, then leave point zero while you still can do so alive. And no babe, this is not a threat, its advice.

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How do you become a multi-trilionere? Get bored...

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Knock knock whos there? Jake jake who? jake from state farm, and i'd like to tell you about our insurance company

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What's 9+10=? 19

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what did the handicap, gimp kid get on his test? I cant tell you.

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I dropped two snare drums and a cymbal down a hole earlier. They're probably broken now.

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Did you hear about the elderly bank robber? Me neither.

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how many cucumbers dos it take to change a light bulb? none. cucumbers cant change light bulbs. dumbass.

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A American, a Brit and a Mexican decided to bet on who could tell the funniest joke. The one that won told a great joke indeed.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I kinda have a bad memory What are we doing again?

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A dog goes into a bar. He is wearing an eye patch. The dog says to the bartender, "Have you heard the one about the one-eyed dog?" The bartender, who is deaf in one ear, thinks the dog is making fun of him. He asks him to leave. The dog says, "Don't you have a sense of humor, deafie?" At the end of his shift, the bartender is tired of all the jokes. Today it's a one-eyed dog. Yesterday it was a horse with rickets. The day before: ants. He lives above the bar, in a small room. He spends the night alone there, listing to his battery operated radio, which picks up only a bad jazz station. He listens to bad jazz with his bad ear.

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Why did the deer hunter shoot a deer? He told his wife he bought a new TV.

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I have a knock knock joke. You start.

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whats big and can vibrate after you turn it on? A washing machine.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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