What do you get when you cross a Mexican, a black guy and an octopus? I don't know but I don't like it.

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how do you kill a blond? there are many ways but every one of them is illegal and could be criminally chargeable.

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"How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door." "How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?" "Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door." "The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which one?" "The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator." "There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat." "You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting."

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A man was driving in his BMW one day when a mini passed him out on the fast lane. The BMW driver thought 'i can't have that!' so he sped up and overtook the mini. Unfortunately he wasn't paying attention and he drove into the back of a school bus. Ironically the bus contained the mini driver's 3 daughters, he was driving so fast because they had forgotten to bring their lunch and he was trying to catch up with the bus so he could give them their sandwiches. There were no survivors of the crash, except for the mini driver.

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What did the therapist say to the other therapist? Your skin looks dry, let me lend you some ointment.

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Uhh, yeah, some of it, I mean people never looked me in the eyes on the buss really, I dunno,if you think I am pretty maybe it is just your opinion or something, but thanks, you are hones and its nice. Never been out drinking, I am you know, kinda nerdy, I just prefer hanging out with friends at home.

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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Totsie Roll totsie pop? Altough many tests have been done, there still isn't a certain number. There are many variables involved with this question.

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Tom buys his wife Mary the latest Eco friendly car. The car is said to get well over 100 miles on a tank of gas. A week later, Tom is stunned to learn that while Mary was driving to the supermarket the car ran out of gas. The tank was full and Mary only drove 5 miles. How is this possible? Mary was involved in a horrible car accident. The gas tank immediately emptied and set fire to Mary and her baby.

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yo mama so stupid i'm fairly certain she has a learning disability.

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some weirdo nerd was just convicted of a hit and run Just kidding. All he did was suffocate your dad with a whoopee cusion.

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this sentence will not monkey banana pie

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What do black people eat for breakfast? Cereal.

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what's better than being stabbed in the testicles with a biro? the Silversun Pickup's album Neck of the Woods

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How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? depends on how thin you can slice them.

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Sally went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. She was exhausted and died of dehydration at the top.

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What did one dog say to the other dog? Woof woof

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A man walks into a store and asks for a loaf of bread.

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Q: are you gay? A: maybe

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jewish people like other jewish people.

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Why did Susie start shaking? She had continuous ceasars

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Why did Sally fall of the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock.. Who's there? Not Sally!

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An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman went to the top of the Empire State building to have a penis measuring contest. The Irishman had the longest penis.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs after he got into a fight with his cat? You call him by his name and apologize for leaving catnip on his head.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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