-What did the old lady have for dinner? -Dementia

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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What did the pornstar say to the priest? i DO porn

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If it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe My wife and kids would still be alive.

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A legless and armless woman is laying on the beach. A man walks by and hears her crying. "What's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been kissed before" says the woman. So the man leans down and kisses her. The next day the man sees the woman crying at the beach again. "What's wrong this time?" asks the man. "I've never been hugged before" So the man picks up the legless and armless woman and gives her a big hug. The next day the man sees the woman still on the beach crying. "Okay now what's wrong?" asks the man. "I've never been f---ked before" says the woman. So the man picks up the woman, and has sex with her. They end up going on several dates later on and getting married at sunset on the very beach where they met.

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Why lets go Mets? Lets go Yankees!

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Stop. Seriously stop.

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He do you get an emo kid to stop cutting himself? Take away his knife.

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews are productive members of society. -Canis

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What didn't last long? You in the bed

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A mushroom walked into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom said, "What? I'm a fungi." The bartender said, "Exactly. It's a health hazard. I already have two strikes and if I lose the bar my wife will divorce me."

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A duck walks into the bar, buys a beer, steals your woman, wins a bar fight, pistol whips a police officer, departs and shouts Aflac

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Your mama's teeth are so yellow... She should think about scheduling an appointment at a local dentist's office.

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What do you call a man that goes to work every day to provide for his family? A spoon

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? I can't stick my dick in a watermelon.

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"You know what they say about people with big swords." What do they say? Man that's a big sword.

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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were on an island. There were loads of other people too - the UK is a pretty popular place to live.

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what type of cat has green feathers? a green-feathered cat.

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What did the heart surgeon say to the brain surgeon? We are both surgeons

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more chocolate?

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Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because she had been forcibly removed from her place of food preparation by a large angry mob of her neighbours who thought she was a wtitch and were now going to burn at the stake. It is Salem, november 1643.

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A man walks in to a bar. He was hospitalized and died later that day.

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Explain the term 'Standard of Living'? Not having sex with diseased and obese women.

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Q:What has more brains than the baby you just shot? A:The wall behind it!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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