There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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What do you call a feline attempting surgery? A catastrophe, because they aren't very good surgeons.

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Burp

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Why did the chicken go up the car? To get a drink.

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why aren't doughnuts square? because they are round

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Why was the All-black Basketball team disqualified? Because they all died in a hotel fire.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Rebecca Black's career.

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What did the black man say to the jew and the blonde girl as they walked to the car. Shotgun.

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Two men walk into a bar...They are traveling together for a convention and like pub type bars and are excited to be there.

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How do you get someone off a swing? ask them politely.

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MORTAL KOMBAAAAAT BETA 0.3!!! DUDUDUDUDUDUDUNDUN Kano, Kano, Kano, Uh, some asian guy? Kano Kano, Kano, some black guy in the future, Kano, Kano, etc. MORTAL KOMBAAAT BETA 0.3!!!

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whats the difference between a mexican and a black person? They have different skin colors.

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Killing your friend as a joke.

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Why did Sally fall off the tree? Because Sally weighed 500 lbs and it was a bamboo tree.

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Thank you Jesus, for this wonderful meal we have tonight. De nada.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? neither has he

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A guy walks into a bar. The universe instantly shatters around him under the weight of infinite potential punchlines. He tumbles through the void amongst the shards of his broken reality. This is the worst joke ever.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Cos crossing the road usually doesn't work out too well for chickens.

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Why did the bus drop his icecream? He was hit by a boy

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Who doesn't love finding money in your pocket when you go to put your pants on? a rape victim

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Why did the cookie go to the doctors? It didn't because cookies are Inanimate and are incapable of mobility

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A sheep walks into a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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Why did the blind man walk into a shop He didin't walked into a wall

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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