if dragonflies have purple toe nails, then how many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse? canada, because snakes don't have armpits!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the boy get diagnosed with Cancer? I don't remember I have Alzheimers.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q: What do you call a black man running for congress? A: Congressional Candidate

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the woman do when her husband told her to make him a sandwich? She made him a sandwich promptly.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What type of pants do Mario and Luigi wear? Levi or Denim, I'm not sure why but probably because you can get a nice fitting pair for only a couple of bucks.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A dyslexic man walked into a bra

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's harder than killing a baby? My penis while doing it. by: Lucky7 LG

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q. You are driving a car. In front of you there is a camion driving at your same speed. Behind you there is a helicopter flying at your same speed at the ground level. On your left there is an ambulance driving at your same speed and on your right there is a ravine. How do you get out from this horrible situation? A. Get off the carousel.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you do when you need shade? CALL RAYSEAN

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the text-to-speech reader say when the 12 year old boy played around with it? "Ass ass ass ass, ass ass ass ass."

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Roses are red, bushes are red, trees are red....i set your garden on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q. How is a monkey like a tricycle? A. They both have handlebars... except for the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what did the frog say to the princess? nothing because frogs do not possess sufficient linguistic skills to communicate with humans

thumb_up thumb_down +24

what did max say to shelby? I hate black people.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A 8 year old kid and his dad are having quality time at the park,and relax at a nearby picnic bench after a thrilling game of tag."I love you." says the son. The father about to respond,promptly gets shot by 3 stray military issue assault rifle bullets that came from a heated dispute about a stolen car that got way out of hand. He dies,and the kid ran crying a long distance away. After he gets himself in a dark alley with nobody else around he laughs,and mutters "The plan went perfectly!" He pulls out a detonator and presses it. The White House,Washington Monument,and several nuclear power plants across the continental United States blow up,killing millions of people.The child,also in possession of nuclear bombs, holds the entire world hostage and becomes ruler of the entire planet Earth. Fin.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

roses are red violets are blue no seriously they are

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A man walks into a bar and says he has a talking dog. He is then taken to a mental hospital and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped 9.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and only one eye? Dave.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Scientist 1: "What's your research paper about?" Scientist 2: "Homosexuality in fruit bats." Scientists 3, 4 & 5: "AHAHAHAHA LOL WUT"

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do you get when you stab a four year old in the chest 57 times A dead body

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Yo momma's so fat she weighs more than the average woman of her age and height

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why should not women able to vote? because their stupid and should not vote at all

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops