Hello, ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to Old Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Old Spice and not a lady. I’m on Sarah Jessica Parker.

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This is not Will Smith.

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Whoa! A talking carrot!

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Oliver's friends

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What's funnier then an anti-joke? People who fail at making them.

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why did the kangaroo jump? because its a kangaroo

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Two black guys are in an elevator, one guy gets off at the sixth floor, and the other on the eighth. And thats it.

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An Arian man walks into a German-owned bar and asks to use the restroom. The bartender sees this acceptable and allows it. Soon after, a Jewish man asks the same question, but this time the bartender said no. The Jewish man thought it was an outrage and demanded why, so the bartender calmly explained to him that the Arian man was still using the restroom and that when he was finished the Jewish man was free to poo as he pleased.

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Why did the plane full of Arabs crash? One of The engines failed

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What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals? A purple hippo with an infected scab yelling at the pain

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because people kept making the same joke about her not having arms so she was hoping the fall would break her neck.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, he didn't my car got to him first.

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What did Tommy's father tell him on Christmas? Nothing, he was violently stabbed to death on Christmas Eve.

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What does a ghost get when he watches pornography? A boner

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Rebecca Black was taking a leisurely stroll on a Friday afternoon. She was consumed by a lion.

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What did Jesus say to Moses? Jesus doesn't exist. Moses replied, "Do you think I'm stupid, you're standing right next to me!"

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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why do black people like basketball? because it envolves running shooting and stealing

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Why didn't Sally eat the meatballs The meatballs ate her

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9/11/01 walks into a bar

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What is the same about a plum and an elephant? They're both grey except the plum

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What happened to the man that never got picked up? He died of a brain aneurysm, the ambulance never came.

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Women

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Wife: Do you know what the most untruthful lie I've told you? Husband: What? Wife: That I love you. By the way I'm leaving you for your father. The twins are gay and in love with each other and your daughter is a hooker with AIDS. Your mother killed herself upon hearing all this news. She suffered a lot. Oh, the dog died by rat poisoning that your dad put in the backyard. Bye.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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