Why doesn't Santa Claus like cantaloupe? Because he doesn't exist. You have to exist to like cantaloupe.

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I LIKE TURLES.

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Justin Littleton getting laid.

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justin littleton. nuff said

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Knock Knock. Go away!

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One Big Ass Mistake America

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Why did the old man step on the caterpillar? For fun.

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He said it was a great place to retire.

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Covietz has a large penis

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What's brown, dusty, and full of male? My asshole.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The undeveloped cerebral cortex vital for comprehending irony left the chicken incapable of finding humor or possibly feeling self-disgust in the acknowledgment that it had just wandered across said road, this being a grandfathered human jest.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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How do you make a professional wrestler cry? You could stab him repeatedly with a box cutter and demand his social security number, but I wouldn't suggest it. He would most likely beat you up.

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What happened to the man that never got picked up? He died of a brain aneurysm, the ambulance never came.

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Why do Africans live in slums Because they have aids

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Why can't Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 Million years.

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thomas hall= fuckin dikc

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Why can't Michael Jackson play Chess? Because he's dead.

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What is purple and flies? A purple plane.

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corey is a nipplepotomus

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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you are so ugly you continuously get made fun of for it everyday and already have a savings account for plastic surgery in the near future.

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Brittney Spears

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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