What did the doctor say to his patient? You have cancer

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Why couldn't the kid get into the Pirate movie? He died in a car crash on the way there because of a drunk driver.

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How do you keep children off your front lawn? You molest them.

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What happened to the dying kangaroo? He died What animal is not in the lion king? Kangaroo --why? Because he died...

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Human is to breast as breast is to nipple as nipple is to milk as milk is to HIV as HIV is to AIDS as AIDS is to death as death is to heaven or hell as heaven or hell is to Jesus or the Devil as Jesus is to God as God is to the Universe

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Q: Whatcha doin?? A:Ur mom. . .

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Why do Chinese people smell? Because of their ethnicity...plus, they smell.

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What do you get when you cross a grizzly bear and a dolphin? Well, the odds of these two animals mating are slim to none. Due to the undeniable fact that dolphins live in the ocean primarily in the warmer tropical waters and grizzly bears live on land in the pacific northwest where the water would be too cold for the dolphin anyway. The dolphin would be swimming around avoiding sharks and the bear would probably be eating a salmon. But if they did breed you would get a dolphinbear. Although a dolphinbear would have a very low chance of survival given it's part dolphin. Dolphins are pussies.

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A black policeman and a white policeman work different shifts, one is during the day and one is at night and the both get equal pay.

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Knock Knock Come In! Who me? Yeah. Ok.

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Yo mama so fat that her weight is starting to tear her and your father apart.

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Yo Momma's sooo fat that the speed of light at her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s.

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Congratulations you just won a greencard to the USA! YES YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT! WELCOME TO: UNCLEAN SOUTH ARABIA. Press green thumb below = greencard. no srslsy.

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Why is Michael J Fox so good at using shake weights? Because he is motivated to stay in good physical shape.

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So Mel Gibson walks into a bar, and then everyone left.

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What's worse than losing your phone? 9/11

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A blind woman walks into a bar... she stands there confused because she is blind and can't tell what going on.

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What are the black specks in birdshit called? That's birdshit too.

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Why can't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinson's Disease which causes his hands to shake uncontrollably thus making drawing anything relatively difficult and a perfect circle impossible.

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A fat man walks into a bar. There is a 70% chance his mom is fat.

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Your momma is so fat that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook her breasts for clocks

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A black guy and a white guy are sitting in the bar. Later they will probably return to their respectable homes.

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What do you call a fish without an eye? fsh.

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The pennis has a tuff life, his best friend is a pussy, his neighbors is an A hole, his family is nuts, and his master beats him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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