what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? where's my tractor?

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Matt. Matt, who? You're friend Matt that you texted twenty minutes ago telling me to come over.

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What happened at the finish line of the marathon? People collapsed in exhaustion, it was a marathon.

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What happens if you throw a red ruby into the black sea? It gets wet.

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Whats long and hard? a pole

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What did Jerry Sandusky get for Christmas? Raped in jail.

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Why did the old man die? Because everyone dies

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Whats big, tall and fat? Most of America.

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Roses are red, Violet are blue. I just thought I'd let you know, But don't worry- this isn't a poem.

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"Oh yeah?!" "Yeah!" "You wanna go?!" "No, sorry. I got plans." (walks away)

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride??

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I have the heart of a child... in a jar on my desk.

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What happens when you eat too many breadsticks? You get constipated.

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Why couldn't the blonde divide 5 by 0? Because it's impossible to divide by 0.

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Why did the lion get lost? -The jungle is massive

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What is the first step in making an ugly girl pretty? Shave her genitals.

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What do a comb and a guitar have in common? Neither of them can climb trees.

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what do you call someone that is dying of malaria? someone that should consider visiting a doctor.

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Why did the white man rub the black man's hair for good luck? Because it's good luck to rub a black man's hair.

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Womens rights. Are extremely valuable because women are equal.

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when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a black eye.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Your mama is so....well we've been friends since childhood and I know your mother passed away recently. So, as to refrain from being an insensitive jerk to a good friend. I will tell this joke to someone with a mother who is fat, dumb, lazy, ugly, or has a combination of these traits. Or has none of these and happens to be a nice lady with a son/daughter who just enjoys a good mama joke.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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