A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

thumb_up thumb_down +45

"What starts with F and ends with a K?" "firetruck?" "no, f u c k"

thumb_up thumb_down +43

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar, and have a stimulating discussion about economics

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Whats the difference between your mother and a mallard with a cold? There are far to many differences between humans and birds to consider for this question. A small list might include wings, feathers, and mating habits to name a few.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean? Dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe he woke with a fright, in the middle of the night and then went back to sleep

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Once upon a time there was a little puppy. He then grew old and died.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

A man walks into a store, and says to the cashier: "I'd like to buy 6 fridges". The cashier says: "Why do you need that many fridges?" The man says: "I'm an antelope!"

thumb_up thumb_down +41

why did the blond cross the road? she doesnt know either

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the man fall over screaming? Because he got shot in the leg

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why is one side of a geese formation heading south always longer than the other? It has more geese

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Whats the difference between christians and nazis? one suppressed human rights and caused millions of deaths. the others were responsible for the holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

That's what he said.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

nbjhfghl

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Why did the old man die? Because everyone dies

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did Jerry Sandusky get for Christmas? Raped in jail.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

if life gives u lemons....chuck them back and say u wanted muffins instead!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A man walks into a bar He has a water, he is sober

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Two.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Three blind mice walk into a bar, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative

thumb_up thumb_down +31

They say under Chuck Norris's beard, is just a chin.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How do you win a war? Drop a fridge on your enemies.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why does Michael Jackson like K-mart? He does not; he is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

what do you call a black priest? holy shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops