What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Waking up with a snapping turtle up your butt.

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Pandas Everywhere!!!

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Why don't they sell pharmaceuticals in the rain forest? Because it is too sparsely populated and not economically viable.

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Three soldiers, one Japanese, one American, and one Italian were stuck in a desert. How did they escape? A rescue squad of thirty trained troops came down in a helicopter and brought them each to their respective homes except the Italian who was actually a Mafia boss so they put him in prison.

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What's black and white and red all over? Lots of things, including certain ugly clothing.

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Whats the difference between a horse and a pile of wheat? Its a pile of wheat.

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What do you call a woman who is good at driving? Danica Patrick

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Your mother gets so hungry, she eats.

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A black man walks into a Subway restaurant, and goes up to the counter. The cashier already knows that he's going to order the chicken, but how does he know? Because the black man is a regular, and orders the same thing every time.

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How do you get a nun pregnant? You have sex with her.

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womans rights

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What did the teacher say to the student who stepped on a rusty nail? You have to go to the Nurse's Office to get a band-aid- I don't have any.

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How do you have safe sex? Cut your own balls off

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What did the boy get from Penn State University? A College Degree

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Q: Why was the man hit by the train? A: He was tied to the rail road tracks...

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What was the hardest part about the orphanage burning down? My cock.

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What did the girl with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bicycle.

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One day three men died. Heaven had almost been full, and he wanted to see who could get in and who would burn. So the first man starts and says "well I just got home from my girlfriends house, she just dumped me. I was crazy mad, and as I was about to eat the pain away, I saw a man hanging off of my porch. I ran to the man pulled out a sledge hammer, and then smashed his hands off the balcony. And without thinking I picked up my refrigerator and threw it down at him. But sadly I fell with the refridgerator." the second man steps up and says.. "I was doing my dance routine on my porch, and I slipped on an ice cube and flipped off the rail. I took ahold of a railing on which I could puulmupmtomsaftey on, but as I was about to save my own life some psychotic man comes out with a sledge hammer and bashes my hands off the railing. After he threw his refridgerator down at me." and then the third guy says..."well I was in this refridgerator........."

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Why don't women wear watches?...Because the economy is at an all-time low and it would be reasonable to presume that a person couldn't afford an item like this, thus, trying to budget in a watch that could cost anywhere from 50-100$ would be a risky financial move depending on their yearly salary.

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What do homeless people get for Christmas? Nothing, they are homeless.

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What do you call a black person who flys a plane? Well, first ask for their name, then address them as such.

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Baseball

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The outside of my house is painted yellow.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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