roses are black violets are black your going to die with hate and sorrow

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apple pie.

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How much does a Mexican Parade cost? A Nickel

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A dyslexic Irishman walks out of a bra.

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Why does LeBron James keep his phone on vibrate? Because he is often in the company of others and he does not want a ringtone to distract others from the current topic of discussion.

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Person 1: Knock knock. Person 2: Come in.

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penis

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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a duck walked into the 7-11, grabbed a slurpee and told the man at the register, "put it on my bill". But the man behind the counter was Indian, and could not understand what the duck was saying. The duck then walked out confused, wondering why he was buying a slurpee in the first place

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knock knock come in

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What do you do when a girl you gave roofies to wakes up? Take your tongue out of her ass and run!

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what's the difference between babies and a trampoline? I take my shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

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Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? the pizza wont scream when you put it in the oven.....

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your family is so poor that you require healthcare to recieve money

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing... she's ugly

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what black and white and read all over? a woman who has just been beaten and raped covered in semen.

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PEN15 IF U R SMART U WILL UNDERSTAND THIS

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A mushroom walks into a bar, the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." the mushroom asked why, the Bartender said, "Because your under aged"

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wanna hear a really funny joke? sure women's rights.

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Santa Clogged my toliet

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Have you heard the one about the drunk cleaning lady? I haven't either but I bet it is good. That is a pretty good premise for a joke.

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Q: What did the guy say to his girlfriend? A: "I like turtles!" Then he smacks her ass.

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Love is in the air? Wrong. Nitrogen, Oxygen and Carbon Dioxide are in the air.

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What's more satistfying then good sex? A nice loud, stinky fart.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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