Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. Why did the car crash? Because the driver was a loaf of bread. Why did the boat sink? Because the pirates attacked.

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What type of food was the black guy eating? fruit, he is on a diet

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Why is Ellen so funny? Because she is a comedian.

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A blonde walks into a store and asks for the microwave behind the counter. The man behind the register promptly hands her the microwave and charges her $435 for it, which is utterly ridiculous.

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What did the little boy say when he was sick? Nothing. He stayed in bed and slept all day.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind.

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Why does my girlfriend pee standing up? Because he is a man.

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Who can jump higher than a mountain? Everyone, mountains are incapapable of jumping.

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What's worse than forgetting how to spell? asghasonbma.

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What's worse than losing your job? 9/11

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Hey, want to hear a joke? Women's Rights

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Why did the rooster go to kfc? To see a chicken strip

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Why did the baby cross the street? It was stapled to the chicken

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How do you win a war? Drop a fridge on your enemies.

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"Oh yeah?!" "Yeah!" "You wanna go?!" "No, sorry. I got plans." (walks away)

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How do you find a needle in a haystack? You don't, you're too distracted by the pile of adorable kittens next to it

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Why did the little boy cry? His entire family was shot and killed at his elementary school play.

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Knock Knock COME IN!!!!

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A piece of rope walks into a bar, and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here." The rope goes into the bathroom, ties himself into a knot, then rubs himself against the walls until his ends are ragged. Then he walks out and says to the bartender: "I'm a frayed knot." The bartender replies, "Right, I see that you've tied yourself into a knot and frayed your ends. So what? What are you trying to prove?" "Well, I...I mean, it was supposed to be a pun, and you were supposed to react like...like it was..." "Look, I thought I was doing you something nice by letting you use the restroom, even though I told you we don't serve ropes here. And then you go in there and rub yourself against the walls or some crazy shit, and probably get them all dirty, and you come out and expect I'm going to give you a drink because of a pun? Is that how you think this works? Get out of my bar before I call the police." The rope slinks out, still tied in a knot, and eventually finds somebody willing to buy a bottle of cheap vodka for him at a liquor store. He never sets foot in the bar again.

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What did the guy say to the mushroom?

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Yo mamma is so hairy that she had to shave

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Yo mama so fat that her weight is starting to tear her and your father apart.

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The size of Idris Elba's penis

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I am funny, yes? No, you are not.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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