Once there was two fish in a tank, and one said "how do you drive this thing?".

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Whats worse than breaking your pencil? Getting a cactus shoved up your ass.

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Yo mammas so fat she went on a diet.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't.

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Thomas Hobbes had a good life Actually he was born prematurely which caused his mother to die, and his alcohallic father left him at a young age to an abusive older brother sucks to suck Hobbes, at least you were smart

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause it looks like you landed on your face.

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What did the little girl with no arms or legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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A man walks into a bar... and watches the Monday Night Football game with his pals.

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What do you get when you cross a pelican with a mountain goat? It's hard to say.

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What happened to the Caucasian man who went to Vegas? He lost all his money so the government took away his car and his house so he had to become homeless and live on the streets begging for money from any who walked by until he slowly starved to death after eating food left in restaurants and trashcans.

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What did the black boy get for christmas? An Xbox.

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What did the girl get for her birthday? Nothing...cause she died

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what's the difference between natives and dogs? people enjoy having dogs in their houses

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Whats the fastest way to a man's heart?? Saw through his breastplate.

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What did the peach say to the apple? Nothing. Peaches can't talk.

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What's the best way to eat 20 pancakes in ten minutes? With a fork

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Why did the chicken walk into Mordor? It didn't. One does not simply walk into Mordor.

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Playing chess with a pigeon is like having an argument with a christian. No matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon will just knock over the pieces, crap on the board and strut around like it's victorious.

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a: How can you tell you are not pregnant? b: I don’t know. a: Like this: I’m not pregnant.

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3 aliens landed on earth. They all wanted to learn english. The first alien went to an opera class and learned "mi mi mi mi mi." The second alien went to a military camp and learned "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The third alien went to a candy shop and learned "he stole my lollipop!" After all of that, they went to their spaceship and saw a dead man and a cop that said, "which one of you three killed this man?" The first alien said "mi mi mi mi mi." The cop said "what did you kill him with?" The second alien said "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The cop then said "why did you kill him?" The third alien said "he stole my lollipop!"

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What do you call a man with three testicles? Polyorchid. Look it up.

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What do you call a black man jumping out of a plane? A skydiver

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How do you fit 100 ethiopians in a phone box? With great difficulty.

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The night is always darkest just before the dawn. Just kidding I'm Helen Keller, everything's always dark.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops