What did the penguins get for Christmas? A hang-glider What did the polar bears get for Christmas? Death, The Holocaust, Global Warming, and all of Steven King's books.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Knock, knock. Who's there? John. Oh, hey! Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What do you call a dead blond in a closet? A homicide victim.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did Michael Jackson ask a Best Buy clerk for the best 3D TV? He didn't ... He's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

womens sports...

thumb_up thumb_down +31

you.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

YouTube comment: If I get a cent for every pixel on the screen. I would have... $960 for a 224p video $2049.6 240p video $1296 for a 270p video $2304 for a 360p video $4099.2 for a 480p video $9984 for a 520p video $9216 for a 720p video $20736 for a 1080p video $125829.12 for a 2304p video ... I would be RICH!!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Your so ugly That when you look into a mirror it shows an accurate potrail of your unproportionit face

thumb_up thumb_down +21

knock! knock! who's there? mom mom who? your mom... your girlfriend just died in a car accident while carrying you baby...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Your mama is so fat she is morbid obese.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

So a priest and an atheist sit next to eachother train After talking to eachother for a short period of time, the priest discovers the other man's beliefs and procededs to spend the rest of the ride trying to convert the atheist. Incredibly irritated the atheist gets off the train a stop early to escape the tirade. The next day the atheist sees on tv that the train crashed right after getting off, and the priest is listed amongst the people killed in the accident. He is ecstatic, and says to himself "ha, proof of divine retribution," but then he feels confused because he realizes he doesn't believe in a god...

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Want to hear a joke about Potassium? So do I.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the globe sad? Because it was cut in half.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the vegetarian only work one day? Because her co-workers are cannibals.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the boy kill his father? Because he was molesting him.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Two muffins are in an oven. They are then baked at 375 for about 30 minutes and then taken out to cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A fish walks into a bad Fish dont walk

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the black man shoot everyone? Because he is black

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it got hit by a truck

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well, most likely, the chicken escaped from a near by ranch or farm. Upon escaping, he may have simply wandered in the direction of the road, and hence crossed it. Or, with chickens having great curiosity, may have been attracted to something on the other side of the road and felt the urge to explore. Depending on the demographics of the area in which road was in, the chicken had different chances of being hit by an automobile. That's why.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They brutally whipped and tortured her.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

how do you stop a baby crying hit it with a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

1134

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why didn't Betty ride her bike to school? She had no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops