"Ask me if I'm a tree." "Are you a tree?" "No."

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roses are grey, violets are grey, i'm colourblind and shit at poetry

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whats silver and cries? a coin, although it can't cry because its a coin. So it's just silver

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womens sports...

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Knock Knock Who's there? Sargeant John Smith mam. I regret to inform you that your husband died in the line of fire - I'm sorry.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face (pokerface)

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What's the difference between a turtle and a bird? They both fly. Except the turtle.

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What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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How do you get rid of a boomerang? There are many potential options for getting rid of your boomerang. You can choose to pass it on to somebody as a gift, make a profit through thrift stores or online auctions or perhaps sell it in a newspaper. Alternatively you may wish to simply dispose of it. The average reading speed of an American adult is 300 words per minute. This was exactly 100 words. This means that it took approximately 20 seconds to read it. This means that approximately 4 people died of cancer world wide while you read this.

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So a priest and an atheist sit next to eachother train After talking to eachother for a short period of time, the priest discovers the other man's beliefs and procededs to spend the rest of the ride trying to convert the atheist. Incredibly irritated the atheist gets off the train a stop early to escape the tirade. The next day the atheist sees on tv that the train crashed right after getting off, and the priest is listed amongst the people killed in the accident. He is ecstatic, and says to himself "ha, proof of divine retribution," but then he feels confused because he realizes he doesn't believe in a god...

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Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Brian. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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Knock Knock, Get the f*ck off my porch

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A man walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he shouted after he stubbed his toe on a table.

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Why don't women wear watches? In the technologically advanced age that we live in, the watch is rapidly being replaced with other electronic devices that tell time, such as cell phones or iPods.

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you say "ask me if im a tree" he says "r u a tree?" you say"no..." then just stare at them

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why were the little boy's clothes all wet? because they found his body in the bottom of a river.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause it looks like you landed on your face.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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What is the difference between obama and a hobo. NOTHING

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what did the mexican firefighter name his two sons. Ryan and Mike.......

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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A Horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'What with the long face?' and the horse replys 'i'm a f*cking horse.'

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A black, asian, and white guy jump off a building, who lands first? Well, according to newton's law of gravitation every massive particle in the universe attracts every other massive particle with a force that is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. It depends on who weighs the most

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Why was little timmy's arm crooked His mom tried to pull his arm off.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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