Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 75% water. I can walk on babies. I am... In jail.

thumb_up thumb_down +148

What did Helen Keller say to the priest? Nothing, she didn't know he was there.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

The meme walks out of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

What do you call a dead blond in a closet? A homicide victim.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

What's green and has 4 wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why didn't Betty ride her bike to school? She had no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What type of cheese is not your cheese? The cheese that belongs to another person.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why was the black man unemployed? Because current socio-economic realities and systematic racial discrimination place him at a disadvantage in terms of education and employment. Indeed, it is statistically probable that he was raised below the poverty-line, greatly limiting his opportunities from a young age.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

what did the atheist get for Christmas? Nothing. If he was being truly honest to his beliefs, he wouldn't partake in a christian holiday.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

The white guy did it!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man walks into a bar said man is escorted out of said bar said man may have died from a serious case of alcohol poisoning whilst in said bar he was escorted as dead people have trouble moving of their own accord experts discovered later that the man had actually been brutaly beaten by another man wielding a bar stool this shows that experts are not very smart

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's green and has wheels? A cucumber with wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What is white, and hurts when it falls from a tree? -tom

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a bar with a couple of chickens by his side. He sees a man sitting at the bar drinking a beer. The man who's drinking the beer offers the other man a seat, and asks him to join him in the drinking. The other man hardly refuses and takes the glass from the other man and throws it on the with all his power to the floor. The man sitting at the bar asks him why he did it. The man answers: "My chickens don't like beer"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

To be honest that sounds like more of a mental health issue and not something I'm qualified to deal with as a GP. Let me refer you.

thumb_up thumb_down

Two muffins are in an oven. They are then baked at 375 for about 30 minutes and then taken out to cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

you say "ask me if im a tree" he says "r u a tree?" you say"no..." then just stare at them

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause it looks like you landed on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why do people discriminate against black people? Because they show an undeserving amount of disrespect towards the rest of the world and why should they get anything better than what they offer.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did Charlie fall? He got shot 24 times in the chest.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red Violets are purple I just got raped by a clown

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops