What do you call a black man in space? an astronaut

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3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he was too much of a bitch to when his friends dared him.

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Q: Why did Temia go to sleep? A: Cause swaq and she was so skuxx!

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Susie sells seashells by the seashore. Susie was a schizophrenic bitch who caused irreversible harm to her family and those close to her. She also had underage sex with a black guy named John. He was actually a pretty decent guy, but he decided to smoke weed a couple times when his dad was going through some tough times. His dad resented him for this fact and it caused unresolved tension between them for years. This caused John to go out and seek younger girls to have sex with, to fill the emptiness he and his dad's relationship left him with. Meanwhile, Susie was falling in love with John, not knowing his many dark secrets he had tried best to keep hidden from her. Eventually, all of these things come out in the open, and Susie still respects him and ultimately loves him even more for being so honest.

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Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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So this one time at band camp... a flute gave me an STD.

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I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

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From a picture, it is difficult to tell the difference between an apatosaurus and a diplodocus.

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Advice from a pro: Don't be a faggot

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What do you call a fly without wings? A fly without wings.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the van.

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A man walks into a restaurant and orders a rare steak. Soon after, he gets food poisoning.

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Roses are green Violets are yellow I have an optical disorder

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor!

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What did the squirrel say to the dog? "I have AIDS."

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my president is black, my lambo's blue, $14,400,000,000,000 national debt

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cats are afraid of dogs. mice are afraid of cats. elephants are afraid of mice. bf-2 fighter jets are afraid of elephants. is this true?

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PATHETIC

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So a frog and a penguin were talking and the frog says, " I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is we're freezing, but the good news is: We have a conoe!".

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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