roses are red violets are blue i suck at poetry show me your tits

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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America

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Q: what's black and white and red all over? A: someone getting murderd on a news paper

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Guess what i realized when i became 18? I was 18

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How many ants does it take to fill an apartment? It depends on the size of the apartment.

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Are You McDonalds Because I'm Loving It

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Why was the picture ruined? Because you were in it.

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So a frog and a penguin were talking and the frog says, " I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is we're freezing, but the good news is: We have a conoe!".

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Sometimes, people ask me, "Do you always have to be so obnoxious?" And to that I reply, "I don't always, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis." Stay thirsty, my friends.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? -- Because she had no arms Why did sally drop her ice cream? -- Because she got ran over by the ice cream truck

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Why was the construction worker crying? Because do to the failing economy, he was recently let go from his job, and he is mortified by the idea of being unable to find work and ending up homeless and unable to fend for his family.

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A hundred dollar bill falls in the middle of an intersection. Equally distanced from the bill stand a Jew, a Black, a White Supremacist and an Arab. Wouldn't it suck to be on this street? I am sure violence will ensue.

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Hear the one about the giraffe and the clown? Yes.

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Did you see stevie wonders new house? No. Well he hasnt either

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Q: What did the teen mom put her newborn daughter up for? A: Adoption

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Funding a half worm in your apple because you just ate half of a worm!

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What do you call a fly without wings? A fly without wings.

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When the black man was driving his car, why did he stop in front of the gun store? Because his car's velocity reached zero at that location.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

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what little black and can make a woman scream a womans dead roting baby

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whats first than finding a worm in your apple? a blonde who asks you why there is a worm in your apple

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How do you avoid being hit with a toaster? You don't walk past the man hitting you with a toaster.

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If you wanna hear a joke scroll down this page more

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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