A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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what did the gay guy get for his birthday aids

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Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? Well, she did.

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What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

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Knock knock Who's there? I'm the Dick I'm the dick who? I'm the Dick Cheney

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No? Neither has he!

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Two astronauts go kayaking in the Sahara Desert. How many pancakes does it take to shingle doghouse? Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

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What do get when you cross a truck and a cliff? Flames.

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So this one time at band camp... a flute gave me an STD.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? George. George Who? George Smith.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he has Obsessive Complusive Disorder.

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What do you get when you mix a racoon and a human. A Smoothie

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Did you see stevie wonders new house? No. Well he hasnt either

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Q: Why were the two elephants kicked off the beach? A: They were both level 4 sex offenders.

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What did the man on a business trip to Japan say to his wife on the phone? The nuclear reactor in the next city over is melting down as we speak. If I don't see you again, I love you.

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Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

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Your mother is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror she feels bad about her appearance.

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Roses are red, violets are blue Most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't

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Yo mama so fat she sells shade. Yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes for wii fit. Yo mama so fat she in call of duty when a player kills her they get a 5 person kill streak. Yo mama so fat that she is fat. :)

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9/11/01 was a terrible day I got dirt on my suit when touring NY

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Are you a tree? No.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops