why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 8 9 jokes numbers dont have mouths

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How many ants does it take to fill an apartment? It depends on the size of the apartment.

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What do you give a sick bird? First-Aid tweetment.

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A penguin is driving through Arizona when his car's oil pressure light comes on. He drops his car off with a mechanic who says he'll get to it soon, and to come back in an hour. The penguin leaves the garage and, seeing a Baskin-Robbins across the street, stops in and orders a dish of ice cream. As he eats the ice cream he reflects on the series of extraordinary events that led him to this place, this time, this situation.

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Why does Shaun's dad beat him? Because Shaun is an asshole.

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Once there was a man, he was accused of false accusations.

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What is the definition of nothing? The opposite of something.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? -- Because she had no arms Why did sally drop her ice cream? -- Because she got ran over by the ice cream truck

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why did the duck cross the road? More than likely there was something that appeals to the duck on the other side such as a pond or duck food. On the contrary there could also be something that did not appeal to the duck on the side from which he is departing from such as a lack of a pond or a lack of duck food.

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how many jews can you fit in an oven? -well zero because the conventional oven cannot fit a full sized human

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You don't need to know a girls period schedule. Just look in the garbage.

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whats first than finding a worm in your apple? a blonde who asks you why there is a worm in your apple

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How do you avoid being hit with a toaster? You don't walk past the man hitting you with a toaster.

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The dog buried it's bone. The next day it unburied it, and chewed on it until it was wrecked.

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Guess what? what. You guessed it!!

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America

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Knock Knock Who's There? You don't know me, but I just hit a car parked on the street outside your house and I believe its yours, we should exchange information

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing. Hitler died many years ago now and he was in no position of power during Bin Laden's reign of terror due to the fact that he was already dead. Therefore it is impossible that they could have had any sort of conversation. But now Bin Laden is dead as well. HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!

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whats worse than 9/11 a paper cut

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my president is black, my lambo's blue, $14,400,000,000,000 national debt

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue And you will be too when i'm done with ya

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sexual intercourse.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Funding a half worm in your apple because you just ate half of a worm!

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2 men walk into a bar. The first man proceeds to fall on the ground and let out a string of obscenities, obviously in excruciating pain. The second man, fearing that he may have suffered some sort of concussion, immediately goes to his doctor and gets checked out. He is still awaiting results.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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