- Anti Joke

A woman comes to the doctor with a dog and the doctor says: -What are you doing here, dog? Get the hell out of here, you're an animal.

did it hurt when you fell from heaven? cause it looked like you landed on your face

I saw a man lying on the floor. He ate too much cake.

Anyone reading this I'm not writing anything Kevin

When Chuck Norris runs, he doesn't even move a muscle.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, shes already been told twice

Roses are green Violets are yellow I have an optical disorder

I grew up, if we cannot live for ourselves, we cannot live for others, remember how people admired us when in their presence, while mocking us behind our backs, most humans do nor respect those that do not rule with lies, false promises, all backed up by an army no amount of civilians can defeat. We lost because people got what they wanted, preferring false promises from all ranging from their Gods, to their politicians speaking about their Gods, promises of betterment as a result of war in the name of Gods, but we are not that people. The problem is, that I used to believe that all of humanity possessed the potential people you and I have, and realize now that when I began looking down at people, I began looking down at myself, considering us all equal to them. Red, we might be few, but we are worth far more than those we consider our equals, maybe it is time even we, sought to rule those that desire to be ruled, rather than to help them find their desired path, because their desired path, might always have been to be ruled.

whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

2 polar bears are standing on a chunk of ice that is floating in the Arctic Sea. One turns to the other and says, 'Dyu know; I keep thinking it's Thursday...'

a black man jumps in a pool.

What's the difference between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee's dead.

What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing. Hitler died many years ago now and he was in no position of power during Bin Laden's reign of terror due to the fact that he was already dead. Therefore it is impossible that they could have had any sort of conversation. But now Bin Laden is dead as well. HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!

A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

roses are red violets are blue i suck at poetry show me your tits

What did the nurse say to the man who got an erection while being given a sponge bath? She assured him it was a normal reaction and moved on to clean his arms.

How do you spell dog? C-A-T!

Why was the brick acting yellow? No, because it's allowed via Tuesday.

What is the definition of nothing? The opposite of something.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a rare steak. Soon after, he gets food poisoning.

you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

Why did Sally fall off the swing set. Cuz she had no arms or legs. Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally

Why did the alien cross the road. To get to his ship.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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