what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing you already told her twice

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Knock Knock. Who's there? James. James who? James from work. Oh, come on in.

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What did the poor sickly orphan get for Christmas? Nothing.

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whats funnier than a penguin playing a banjo? i don't know because I've never seen one and probably never will because it is a highly improbable event.

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Why did the man complain of pain in his ankle? Because several consecutive tissue samples of the area revealed a rapidly metastasizing neoplasm. Blood samples indicated the presence of what appeared to be Hodgkins Lymphoma. The man was very wealthy, however, and had world class doctors treat him. He then donated a vast portion of his wealth to research.

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A. Why did John survive the plane crash? B. Because he was master chief and he is awesom although cortana did not which John is sad about naturally.

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The hippo's an African beast, Who notably is quite obese, Quite boorish and mean And never too lean And poops in the rivers, at least...

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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A inventor was wandering around the desert one day, then he found a magic lamp, he rubbed on it and thus came up a genie! The genie asked: What do you want? The inventor responded: Meh, no idea... Thy wish is granted, answered the genie. The now ex inventor never came up with something new ever again.. Moral: Huh?

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede.

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What did the girl fruit say to the boy fruit when he wanted to marry her? "No."

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roses are red Jacob's a Jew the holocaust was funny Haha f**k you

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What's the difference between a Jew and a piece of coal? The coal doesn't scream when you burn it.

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When the black man was driving his car, why did he stop in front of the gun store? Because his car's velocity reached zero at that location.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a trunk? 37.

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3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

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What do the pope and an orange have in common? They're both fruits. Except for the pope.

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1: Why did the chicken cross the road? 2: The chicken has a right to privacy, stop questioning what she does

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Who eats chicken noodle soup? Anybody who enjoys chicken noodle soup.

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Why does your mom not love you.... Because she is not your real mom.

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Your mama is so fat that when she walks her legs rub against each other

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Haiku's are three lines long. This isn't a haiku.

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What's broken to the side of the road and covered in cookie crumbs? A girlscout that got hit by a car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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