Why didn't Valerie go on over to Amy's house? Because she's dead.

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what is brown and shaped like a tree?

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Q. What is the difference between a bird and a fly? A. A bird can fly, but a fly can't.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Approximately 75 pounds of wood a day

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Q: Why were the two elephants kicked off the beach? A: They were both level 4 sex offenders.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a piece of coal? The coal doesn't scream when you burn it.

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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What do you call a white guy with a taller black woman? A man in a deeply committed relationship.

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Ask me if I am a tree Are you a tree? ..no

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A man stumbles across a magic lamp. He doesn't believe in genies, so he sells it for profit on the antiquarian market.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was very mad at his mother, so he ran away, and, on the other side of the road, he saw a ver luxurious chicken coop. In other words, duh.

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Q: Why was the boy sad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy mad? A: He dropped his ice cream. Q: Why was the boy in pain? A: Because a clown was ripping off the boys big toes with a hacksaw, all the while causing the small boy emotional pains by killing the boy's orange cat.

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

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Why did God use one of Adam's ribs to create Eve? He didn't. God doesn't exist

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Quizno's footlongs are four dollars...

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I SHOT SOMEBODY!!!! Said no stormtrooper ever.

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Why was the cancer patient in the hospital? Her mother threw a rock at her head.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she died of diabeties and we all mourn her loss.

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.

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Why did the plane crash into a mountain? Because a Banana was flying it, and Bananas can't fly planes.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he has Obsessive Complusive Disorder.

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When does the narwhal bacon? When the universe looses its realism to the point where every animals' meat is bacon at a certain time, and a person hunts a narwhal at the crack of dawn when there is a triple rainbow and the narwhal's DNA is combined with a pig's just long enough for the meat to be bacon when the person shoots it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops