So Doc... Do I have H.I.V or not? Well... Lets just say you should think positive now... NO! I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS *Jumps out window* ...Because the results might not appear correctl... OH you do not have... Where did you go? Phew, Good thing it was first floor! Dont be silly, you dont have an immune system which means you have full blown AIDS

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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what's red and green and goes 100 mph? a red and green car going over the speed limit.

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lol

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Im ashamed of being from Canada

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ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF JUNE, THURSDAY HAPPENED!!!! -ilikecrepes97

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got a new boxing bag the other day its hanging from the top of my stairs its called dead seb

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Q: What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? A: They're all gone.

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How do you make an eggroll? You push it.

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Were can you find a bag of meth? A drug dealer

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What did the boy say to the stranger at his door? He said, "i'm not supposed to talk to strangers" and closed the door.

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Tell somebody that someone told you they look like an owl. When they say "Who?" laugh in their face

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An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are on a plane. The plan is carrying too much weight, and is destined to crash. They drop the luggage, but there is still too much weight on board. They drop the secondary engine, but there is still too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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Why did the man fall off the swing? he got hit in the back of the head with a shovel.

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Who let the dogs out? The pet shop.

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What did the polar bear say to the penguin? Nothing because polar bears lived in the northern hemisphere and penguins lived in the southern. But if one is smuggled from north to south or vice-versa. The polar would growl and consume the penguin.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't a drunk driver went off the street and hit the chicken and killed it on impact.

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Max who Max Who's there Knock knock I'm dyslexic

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What is worse than the Holocaust? a Michael Bay movie

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Why did the man pick the flower? Because he didn't like flowers.

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your momma is so poor she had you just for the free milk

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ALL OF YOU NO MORE CURSING EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT POSSABLE SO DON'T LISTEN

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Yo mama so stupid she tried to drown a dog and was quite successful at it. Know she serves a death sentence.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops