A black man, a Jew and a Hispanic man walk into a bar and the bartender says "Hello. What could I get for you?" The black man had a Manhattan. The Hispanic man had a Bloody Mary. The Jew merely had water, as his religion forbids alcohol. The trio enjoy their drinks and then exit the establishment.

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What happens when you put a squid in the microwave? It dies.

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2 women were sitting quietly.

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Want to hear the best joke ever? Me too.

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what is purple and hairy like a bear? A purple bear

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what's worse than getting an unwarranted parking ticket? Serving a life sentence for killing the meter man.

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Yo mamma so fat, she probably has Type Two Diabetes - which is often associated with obesity - and should seek medical advice.

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whats white and cant climb a fence? a fridge

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Adam said to God, "God, I need a companion." God replied, "OK Adam, but you need to give up a rib." Adam agreed and thus humanity was born.

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Why didn't Joe's toaster work anymore? Because he dropped it into the bathtub with him.

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This is my firstever post so I wanted to make it very specialand have it really mean something, then I though fark that for a joke

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Mary had a little lamb. Then Died.

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How did the black man get out of the bathroom? He opened the door.

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? A stimulus in the environment to the receptors in his fingers caused his hand to open no longer gripping the ice cream. Due to this, the ice cream fell to the ground causing a desirable mess for someone to clean up, satisfying themselves with the fact that they have considered the environment during this small ''could happen to anybody'' situation. After the messed was cleaned up, the boy's mother bought him another ice cream, in which case the boy anticipated another potential mess, and held the ice cream carefully. As he did this, he managed to finish eating the whole of the ice cream, allowing no money that was paid for the product to go to waste.

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What's the difference between a monkey wrench and a snow cone? A lot.

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What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? He received many presents because his parents loved him very much.

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What do you get when you combine KIA and NOKIA? A cheap vehicle with a cheap mobile phone inside.

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Q: What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? A: They're all gone.

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What did the widow get for mothers day A miscarriage

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What's gold and looks like a brick? A gold brick. What's gold and looks like a nugget? A gold nugget. Whats gold and like a car? Gold. I lied about the car.

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Women's rights... Are a legitimate concern in today's society.

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You are so gay you frequently, and consentingly are sodomized by men and frivolously enjoy it.

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Knock, knock. You do realize you can actually physically knock on the door instead of just imitating the sound effect with your mouth, right? It's actually way more effective that way. Just saying, since it's raining outside and you're cold and want to come in...

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder lately? No? Neither has he.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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