Andrew: who's better at football, Peyton Manning or Tom Brady? Thomas: ur mom

thumb_up thumb_down -22

69

thumb_up thumb_down -48

what did the poor kid get from santa? Nothing santa hates poor kid, but the rich kid got a very nice convertable.

thumb_up thumb_down -132

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? A stimulus in the environment to the receptors in his fingers caused his hand to open no longer gripping the ice cream. Due to this, the ice cream fell to the ground causing a desirable mess for someone to clean up, satisfying themselves with the fact that they have considered the environment during this small ''could happen to anybody'' situation. After the messed was cleaned up, the boy's mother bought him another ice cream, in which case the boy anticipated another potential mess, and held the ice cream carefully. As he did this, he managed to finish eating the whole of the ice cream, allowing no money that was paid for the product to go to waste.

thumb_up thumb_down -164

Dear mom, I'm wearing skinny jeans. If I can't get them off, Neither can the rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

A man walks into a school, he then proceeds to gun down the majority of the students before taking his own life. What a sad, sad day.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

BALL SO HARD... That I got kicked off the team for intentionally fouling other players whenever I got on the court, I'm sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Q: What do you call a car full of black people? A: Stolen

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q: What is the difference between a tree and a women? A: your mom

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Ya know how when geese fly in a V-shape, one side is longer than the other? -Yes Do you know why that is? -No Because there's more geese on that side

thumb_up thumb_down +17

How do you fit four gay on a bar stool? Divide the given space into fourths and convince them to share it accordingly. However, due to the fact that bar stools are significantly smaller than the average chair, and the likelihood that the bar has the resources to provide chairs for all of their customers, it would be highly unlikely that the men would choose be remain seated in such an inconvenient manner.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

The 80's

thumb_up thumb_down +5

So Doc... Do I have H.I.V or not? Well... Lets just say you should think positive now... NO! I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS *Jumps out window* ...Because the results might not appear correctl... OH you do not have... Where did you go? Phew, Good thing it was first floor! Dont be silly, you dont have an immune system which means you have full blown AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -9

No one walks into a bar. It is closed.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Mary Lu was swinging on a swing * swush swush* and her mom was sweeping the porch when she sad Mary Lu go get that big fat shiny quarter on that road then Mary Lu say how about you get your self that big fat shiny quarter.! Her mom drop the broom in discussed and walkout into the road and was bout to bend down when swush a bus runs her over And Mary Lu just laughed and laughed she knew that wasn't a big fat shiny quarter it was a nickel!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

WHO IS A CHIKEN???????????? I AM do you got a problem with that!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why did the Asian man have a small penis? Because he was flaccid.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Knock knock. Who's there?

thumb_up thumb_down -91

What does Helen Keller put at the end of every sentence? A period.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

how many people can you eat? well, im not canniballistic, so none unless i was starving.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the the policeman say to the band member who trashed a hotel room? "You're under arrest" The band member replied "Well, you're under a vest" The policeman reiterates that this isn't the time to be making any jokes and that vandalism is a very serious offence

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why was the Blonde Crying? -because she had just witnessed her infant get sucked through a jet engine and was very sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Once upon a time, your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops