Anything Dane Cook says

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How many people does it take to change a lightbulb? It depends on if the person has a lightbulb of the correct size and wattage...

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A wise man once said, "Your life is your habits." So simple yet so true. My habits include: Breathing, having my heart beat, producing brain waves, and other regulatory bodily processes.

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A blond, a brunette and a redhead jump off a cliff. Which one hits the ground last? Depends on their weight and drag co-efficient.

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Why women like NBA players so much? Because they have money.

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If Earth is a triangle, then why are trees smart? Because turtles have 4 legs

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Whats worse than breaking your toe? Being raped

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How do two porcupines make love? Well actually it's doubtful that porcupines feel higher emotions like love - they pretty much just mate for reproductive purposes.

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What did the pacific ocean do to the Atlantic ocean? He waved.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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what kind of animals marriage is high? snails because It has home and car.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Doctor Ah, come in!

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What's the difference between a white man and a black man? The colour of their skin.

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why did the woman cross the road? to get to her full time job as a lawyer.

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So a Jewish Family walks into a German Pizzeria. They were very satisfied with the service and ended up tipping the waiter 20%

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On a scale of Voldemort to Nigel Thornberry, how large is your nose?

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why did the internet crash? it didn't

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A labrador, a chihuahua, and a great dane walk onto a bar. They are strays and were brought to the pound where they were more than likely put down or adopted.

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What's funny about an anti-joke? It's a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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Someone said you sound like an owl Who?

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Why did the British boy win his talent show? Because he had straight teeth

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Sgt. Richard, here... your son was raped many times by Iranian soldiers, then forced to make love to many goats and had his limbs chopped off.. he will never be able to walk, talk or poop without assistance again. OH MY GOD, NO!.. WHY!!! Haha just kidding mam, he stepped on a landmine and died.

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Three men stood before Saint Peter at the pearly white gates. They were then sent straight to Hell for committing mass suicide in hopes of reaching a higher state of being through a device located on a meteor.

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patient: Doctor, It hurts when I go like this. doctor: Don't do that.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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