What's long and yellow? A yellow tube.

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A homeless man walks into a bar. The bartender felt bad and gave him $20.

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What's yellow and smells like piss? Piss

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A wise man once said, "Your life is your habits." So simple yet so true. My habits include: Breathing, having my heart beat, producing brain waves, and other regulatory bodily processes.

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What'd yellow and can"t swim. A black person with a yellow shirt on.

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how do you get a clown to fall off a swing? hit it with an axe

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What happens when you swallow a battery? You turn into one.

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What do you feel when you kill a terrorist? Recoil -USMC

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What has five letters and sounds like "trucks?" Vroom

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why didn't the food in your microwave warm up ? because you didn't press start.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar, which happens to be holding a support group for dyslexic people tonight. The name of the bar and all patrons are palindromes to avoid confusion.

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What is more scary than an AK47,blood,and 99999 naughty children? Nothing problaly :p

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Sgt. Richard, here... your son was raped many times by Iranian soldiers, then forced to make love to many goats and had his limbs chopped off.. he will never be able to walk, talk or poop without assistance again. OH MY GOD, NO!.. WHY!!! Haha just kidding mam, he stepped on a landmine and died.

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patient: Doctor, It hurts when I go like this. doctor: Don't do that.

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KNOCK! KNOCK! who knocks like that? all my friends break the door down...oh alright then ill answer i guess WHO IS IT? THE REAPER oh s*** dude! [panic face] NO ONES HOME? "In other news tonight, 2 local men found murdered in their living rooms, after looking up common joke style called antee joke. Police say the door was smashed in an obvious sign of forced entry. They seem to have just mysteriously had sudden heart attacks and fainted. heh heh...hey nancy....why did the chicken cross the road? [=< heh heh" "y" "because he thouroughly enjoyed darting out into traffic" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *GASP!* X.x dead face "NANCY! NANCY!.....well in other OTHER news ive just murdered nancy, and thats no joke." *runs*

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What's the difference between a joke and an anti-joke? - I dont know man, but you're adopted.

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A black man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The bartender asks "Where did you get that?" The monkey replies "Africa, there are thousands of them."

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What did the pacific ocean do to the Atlantic ocean? He waved.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Doctor Ah, come in!

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Why didn't the lobster share his treasure? Because he did not possess the cranial capacity to understand the concept of ownership; thus, he did not consider the treasure his

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Roses are red, violets are blue I have Alzheimers Roses are red, violets are blue I have Alzheimers

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

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Why did the priest kill his family? Preists can't marry, therefore have not families.

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A black man enters a bar. The bartender approaches him, and asks "who will it be?" The black man pulls out a gun and robs the bar, he is then arrested ten days later.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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