A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

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why did hannibal lector butter up the teacher? he wanted to get a good grade. he also wanted to eat her

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A boy walks into a haunted cematery. Zombies eat him.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I was dropped on my head as a baby, kjhgfiehcgbfbjebfiuheggfcug

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What do you call a Mexican named Chicee? Chicee

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What does a black man, an Asian Man, and a Jewish Man have in common? They are all men.

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How many testicles did Adolph Hitler have? Two.

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Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have H2O too." The bartender gives them both water, realizing that H2O2 is poisonous and that the second scientist must have simple worded his request poorly.

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What has 5 legs, 4 eyes, and 8 stomachs? Nothing.

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face.

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what did the frog say to the princess? nothing because frogs do not possess sufficient linguistic skills to communicate with humans

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Why did the asian die? he was driving

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Why is the horse gay. He rapes 3 children

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Why did the basketball player shoot the ball? Because it was being mean to him

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Q: What's the similarity between puzzles and women? A: Prior to the 1920's neither had the right to vote.

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what do you call a dog with no legs? doesnt matter what you call him, he aint coming!

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yo mama is so fat she went to the doctor and the doctor told her she had diabetes

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

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Roses are red Violets are blue What was I saying? Oh yeah, your adopted.

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Why couldn't the moose find a good hotel for the night? A moose wouldn't have any currency available and quite frankly, no one would let him in.

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Roses are red Violets are blue You think this will rhyme But it ain't gonna.

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A seal walks into a club.

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I scream! You scream! - You've Just Been Rapped

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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