How do you wake up your friend in a reasonable manor? you beat the shit out of him

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender brings him the beer, and the man drinks it. Then the man dies in a car crash while driving back to his family

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock Knock Who's there? Gregory Pelnick

thumb_up thumb_down +15

You know how to torture Hellen Keller? -No. Put a plunger in the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Matty B

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what is the difference between oral sex and anal sex? one has to deal with a butt

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do a grape and a plane have in common? They both have wings... except for the grape!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What does a squirrel get when it rains? It gets wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Simple poke her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If I lock you in a room and let a snake in under the door, what do you get? A problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Ask me if I'm in a tree? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

general tso's broccoli

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do millions of men give their girlfriends every Christmas? AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did the baby die because it was diagnosed with lukimia

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Who is the richest clown? You're probably thinking Ronald McDonald but its actually Barack Obama

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What killed the cat? Feline Leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Knock knock Who's there? Alzhiemers guy Alzhiemers guy who? Knock knock

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How many testicles did Adolph Hitler have? Two.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Dead babies and disabled kids. Jews, mexicans and black people. Hitler and prostitutes. Sex sex sex sex sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Knock knock It's open, come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A blind man accidentally walks into another man whilst walking along a sidewalk. The man yells at the blind man, "Watch where you're going!" He then apologizes for his rude behaviour, not noticing right away he was in fact, blind. To show how truthfully sorry he was he took him out for beers the following evening. Soon after they became close friends and now share an apartment in Denver, Colorado.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

If a tree falls, and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? No. While the falling tree surely creates mechanical oscillations in the air, sound is defined as the mechanical oscillations in the air perceived by humans. Therefore, since no humans were around to hear the tree fall, it did not create a sound.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun, shut the **** up.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops