If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Regress.

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A rabbit enters in apharmacy and asks for a carrot. The man says:"There aren´t any carrots in here." In the next two days the same happens, but the man replies that he'll hammer the rabbit if he comes back. In the other day, the rabbit is found dead with a bloody hammer nearby.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Lol, thats sweet, you making me nervous in a good way now. No, the thing is that I need to use this crap every morning, yeah, but its late here now, and since I was born with this condition, remembering is far easier than forgetting, and while the bleeding has stopped now, I was never in any pain whatsoever, and the bleeding would have stopped eventually because of you know... Coagulation? But, if I lets say spend a week without my meds, things would look pretty ugly. I get the meds for cheap, by my new doctor since the old one was a bitch... Excuse me, can we take five minutes? I know I said I would return last time and did not, but I will, I am just a bit... Well, I need a bit more blood in my body right now, I am fine, no danger... If I where I would not be chatting here, but getting my ass of to the doc.

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Your momma is so fat that she is on a diet and exercises regularly.

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yaa tsi tsup ari dik ari dull an dik ari dill an dits tan dool la dippyduppy dull la roop uttyroopy la goorigan gook aya gittygangool arup cha cha adippydappydill la baritztandill lan den lan doe a barik kata barip pari baribadeebadeebadee standen lan doe ya baril las ten lan day a doe la babadeadevadevadevaduv ya vou what is that little las day lan doe badakadagadaga doo doo day a doe

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a horse walks into a bar except it wasn't a horse it was Sarah Jessica Parker

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waiter: can I get you something to drink? customer: I'll have a coke. waiter: is pepsi okay? customer: is monopoly money okay?

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What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? Literally an endless list of things.

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What do you call it when 1 person has an imaginary friend? A mental disorder. What do you call it when 1 billion people have an imaginary friend? A Religion.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just the 1, Blondes aren't any dumber than anyone else. It's a myth.

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A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: A serial killer B: I don't feel comfortable opening the door

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Why was Rosa Parks forced to sit on the back of the bus? All the other seats were taken....

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what makes margaritas good. illegal immagrants in the basement.

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Every time you make fun of an Ethiopian child he dies a little on the inside.. But that's probably just from the hunger..

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Why didn't suzie go to school yesterday? She was brutally hacked into pieces and now she"ll never experience school again

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whats funny? small ginger girls who die there head red, then it turns ginger again

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yo mamas so ugly she turned madoosa into stone

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Why do Mexicans like to eat burritos? Because they are delicious, and very filling.

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What did one dolphin say to the other? Nothing. It was dead.

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What did the boy Tell to his friends? Nothing. He has noone.

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A blond and a brunette fall off a cliff. Who hits the ground first? Neither. They hit the ground at the exact same time due to the laws of physics

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Why didn't the boy respond to the text? His phone had run out of charge.

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What do you do if Zombies are chasing you and your friend? Trip the friend.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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