OMG I NEED FRESH WATER

thumb_up thumb_down -53

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Regress.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

whats the difference between a lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? i don't have a lamborghini in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Yo mama's so poor she is on welfare.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Three men are on a plane. (Note, that this is a low-altitude plane, in which they are allowed to open the windows) The stewardess offers the first man refreshments. He asks for an orange. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his orange, he throws it out the window. The stewardess moves on to the second man, who asks for an apple. The stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. Also confused, the man complies, and upon receiving his apple, he throws it out the window. Finally, the stewardess moves onto the third man, who asks for a bomb. Without question, the stewardess agrees, on one condition: that he throws it out the window. With no reaction, the man receives the bomb, then throws it out the window. Upon landing, the first man sees a woman crying. With a sympathetic heart, he asks what's the matter. She replies, "I was walking down the street, and an orange came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man brushes the event off as a coincidence. The second man sees another woman crying. Upon asking her what's the matter, she replies, "I was walking down the street, and an apple came from the sky and hit me in the head." The man, confused, apologizes and walks away. The third man sees a woman hysterically laughing. Intrigued, he inquires her jolly. She manages to state through her hysteria, "When me fart, me whole house blow up!"

thumb_up thumb_down -85

123

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house Knock Knock, Who's There The Chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +28

wow garlic, yum

thumb_up thumb_down +26

only in america: does pizza arrive at your house faster than an ambulence do banks leave their doors open and chain their pens to the desks people put their usless junk in the garage and thier expensive cars in the driveway

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If Mormonism is true, and Mitt Romney becomes a god, what will that make him? Romniopotent.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Q: What does a blond do with a box of crayons? A: Paints a picture

thumb_up thumb_down -118

What's the difference between a carrot and an elephant? The carrot is orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Why did the black guy fail his math test? Because he did not study enough and as a result was no prepared to take a test on that material.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

What do you get when you cross a Shake Weight with Parkinson's Disease? You get a sentence that doesn't explain the end of the joke and leaves you without any closure.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Once upon a time, there was a pair of headphones. It loved the sound of music.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Hitler had the right ideas, wne tupon it the wrong way.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

A gay dyslexic black man walks in to a bar the bar tender say "what'll it be" and then he orders his drink and pays his bill and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Why was 6 afraid of 7? *cause 7 8 9? NO cause 7 was a n**ga!

thumb_up thumb_down -144

Your mumma's so ugly. Period.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

What did the cabbage say to the cabbage? I dont know ask the leafy guy.... >_

thumb_up thumb_down +53

What did one dolphin say to the other? Nothing. It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Why was Rosa Parks forced to sit on the back of the bus? All the other seats were taken....

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice carton? She was trying to read the nutrition label and had forgotten her reading glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down +126

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I was lying about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops