What do you get when you divide 60000 by 30? A Number

thumb_up thumb_down +28

An Asian oceanographer went scuba diving in the Pacific Ocean. Three days later the coast guard found his remains torn apart by sharks.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What if I told you that our role our "little team" is not as little as you think?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

minced oaths

thumb_up thumb_down +26

whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

thumb_up thumb_down +26

25

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry sir we're closed" So the man goes: "Oh, okay. I wasn't sure if you guys were open till' 10pm tonight" and the bartender goes "No, thats only on the weekends" The man thanks the bartender and proceeded to leave the bar. He now knows the arrive earlier the following day.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Have you heard the story of the empty room? Theres nothing in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Whats worse than 1 dead baby in a bag? Ten dead babies in one bag.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the bartender say to the midget as he entered the bar? Nothing besides attempting to serve him in the same manner as any other reveller whilst attempting to disguise his sense of pity for the midget's debilitating and somewhat stigmatised condition.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the chicken attempt to cross the road? To retrieve his dead relatives in the middle of the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did Billy fall down? Because his brain was replaced with a piece of toast.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Knock knock. Who's there? James. James who? You know, from across the road? But where's the punchline? This isn't a joke. Isn't it? No. Can you still add a punchline? OPEN THE DOOR!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why dose not the cat bark? Because it's a cat!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What happened when the girl did the splits? She lacerated her vagina.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

There once was a man from Nantucket. He had a huge appendage; his arm has been swollen from birth. What a bummer

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A man went to the doctor and told him he was having the strangest dream. "First I was a tee pee Then I was a wigwam A tee pee, a wigwam. Do you have any idea what could be wrong?" The doctor looked at the man and said "You have aids."

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? One jew to screw in the light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the chicken cross the road? Due the limited cognitive ability and a lack of critical thinking skills, the chicken mistakenly ventured across the road in search of grain. Luckily the chicken was not injured on this occasion, however other chickens may not be so lucky in the future.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why did the rooster cross the road? because it was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +20

whats worse than bitting into a apple a finding a worm? bitting into ur apple an finding out u have just killed noddy who was hiding in ur apple

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How did the guy in a wheelchair get up 7 flights of stairs? He didn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops