What do you call a man with no arms or legs after he got into a fight with his cat? You call him by his name and apologize for leaving catnip on his head.

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How are you supposed to breath with no air? um jorden sparks you dont?

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Ding dong... Knocking hurts.

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Why couldn't the moose find a good hotel for the night? A moose wouldn't have any currency available and quite frankly, no one would let him in.

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Q: What's the similarity between puzzles and women? A: Prior to the 1920's neither had the right to vote.

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There was a man who bought a cat. He fed it well. It got so fat.

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Do you know what's funnier than 24? 25

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Hellen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it ERRMMMMM UAHHHHHHHH...

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Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll probably just land back on earth.

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A man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is crippling his family.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He removes the piece of lingerie from his face and continues shopping for clothes.

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How do you catch a squirrel? Use a live, humane trap, and release it back into the wild afterwards.

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So one day a man walks into a bar. The bartender asks him what he would like to drink. He said he would like a glass of water. The bartender said "why come all the way to a bar just to get some water." The man responded "well its a longer walk to the coffee shop."

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was thrown out of the way

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homo-sexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual panda just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homo-sexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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A patient walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!" The doctor replies, "I have no interest in whether or not you feel like purchasing items to spruce up your home."

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Q: What do starving children in Africa eat? A: Nothing

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blood is red also Nothing else is blue

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Kah-________-

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Roses are red violets are blue I have a pie would you like some?

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Knock, Knock Knock, Knock Knock, Knock No One's home.

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A black man, a jew and a racist walk into a bar, The racist proceeds to be a racist

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If thin people skinny dip, what do fat people do? Sink

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We're out of mustard, so in your sandwich I used some yellow liquid dripping from a dying rhinoceros.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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